All Guns' Blazing

One Story - 2 Story Tellers

2009-06-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

This is my second attempt at story writing. I am going to try something different this time, I am going to write the same story twice, one as a blog writer with a profound love for the melodramatic and the other as an Engineer/MBA, with a tendency to be as brief and to the point as possible.

The Writer’s Version

As he stood there gazing at the abyss, the sharp pain of loss stabbed him in the heart. He just realised that in one instant he had lost her, his one true love and all that was in front of his eyes was the dark emptiness of a life devoid of all purpose.

It was just this morning that they had been so happy together, locked in each other’s arms blissfully unaware of the world around them, for them the whole world revolved around each other. And then something started happening, he couldn’t explain it but she started becoming silent and unresponsive. He tried to talk to her, but she didn’t say a word. He would try and start a conversation only for her to go silent again. And this continued, until finally she fell asleep, never to awaken again. He tried everything, all that his mortal being allowed him to do, but she simply refused to comply, it was as if the world could not bear to see them happy together. Her heart was beating but there seemed to be no life left in her, she seemed like just another piece of furniture.

For two days he had no clue what to do, he had no one to call out to, he felt like the man who wakes up one morning to find that his whole universe has been destroyed and by some cruel twist of fate he is the sole survivor. For two days he just wandered dazed and confused, without a clue as to what had happened. He wanted to cry and moan her loss, but the tears refused to come,. He would scream but the echoes would only reverberate through his mind. Somewhere he knew that she was still alive, and every second he hoped that now, at least now she would wake up and say ‘April Fools’ and all would be well again. Her lifeless countenance had become the shackles which were now confining him to solitude and loneliness.

And then one morning, he decided that enough was enough. He needed to reclaim his life, and the truth was the way to freedom. He needed to find out what happened. He had to find how and why he had gone from a prince to a pauper in a matter of hours. He decided that he needed to see what was wrong with her, find out if she was alive or dead. So he called up the one man who could provide him with the answers – the Doc. The Doc was the all powerful entity who controlled the fate of all of them, in fact it was the Doc who introduced him to her, and now he would have to bring her back.

After frantically trying to reach the Doc, he was able to get through. The Doc aware of his hold over the hapless young man probed him incessantly, making him wait, not giving any solutions to the problem. He continued to bombard him with question after question, treating him as a suspect rather than a victim. The bereaved lover had to struggle to prove his innocence and show his suffering before the Doc was finally satiated. And then like Manna which fell from the heaven for the hungry Jews in the desert, the Doc said those magical words which once again brought hope back into his life – “She is not dead”. And then the Doc said that he would send one of his several minions to see if she could be revived.

And so he waited the whole of the next day. He didn’t leave his abode, he skipped his work, and he even forgot to eat. But it was all worth it, because he knew that in a short while he could maybe be with her again, see her smile, hear beautiful voice, hold her, run his fingers over her. He knew that those magical feelings would not be lost forever. Hope was alive. And he waited, and waited, but no one came. It was like a mirage in the desert of despair, which promised to quench his thirst but only succeeded in arousing a desire which would never be fulfilled. And soon his thoughts began to wander. What if the Doc was wrong, what if she was really dead. How would he ever replace her, what if her brain was damaged, even she could recover would she remember him, and would they still share that same strong bond. How long before he could build that relationship again? And while these thoughts were torturing him, there was still no sign of the Doc’s minions.

And as the messenger of hope didn’t come, he grew more and more weary. His hands began to tremble, his mind began to wander, and he was like a nomad who had no purpose. Soon the nervousness began to transform into anger, he was getting agitated, and he needed her badly, like an addict who badly needs a fix after a few days of sobriety. He was overcome with anger and despair, and he was at odds as to what to do with his life. And finally he could not control it anymore, in a fit of anger he once again called the Doc and let loose all the frustration and anger built up inside of him. And after a heated argument the Doc was able to see the pain in this broken hearted young man’s life and decided to put things straight and send the minion again. As fate would have the Doc’s servant fell prey to a vicious accident and our hero’s anguish was prolonged for another tormenting day.

And so one more day went buy and the torture continued, and just as he was about to reach the breaking point, he received a call from the messenger, who had arrived bringing with him possibility of a return to a normal life. The messenger arrived and the moment he saw her, he knew that she was not looking good, but all hope was not lost. He still could save her, so he carefully began examining her. And as her soulmate looked on, he could not bear to see this painful examination of his true love. Every cut that the messenger applied on her to examine her, was tearing a hole in our hero’s soul. And the painful procedure continued for an hour, until the messenger finally declared that he had found the problem, he needed to replace a part of her brain. Stunned beyond belief, the young man could not believe the words, how could this have happened to her, there were no symptoms, no signs nothing. And now all of her sudden this man says that a part of her brain is rotten, it could not be, he must be mistaken; maybe he doesn’t even know what he is doing. But the messenger was insistent and said that he needed to perform the surgery, so despite his inhibitions, he allowed him to do his job. And as he watched the surgery taking place, he again wondered will his true love really return to her old self.

And then suddenly he could see a glimmer of life on her hitherto barren face, and slowly but surely she opened her eyes, and he could see the twinkle in her eyes again. And she looked up at him, and the moment he saw her sweet smile, he knew she was back. It was her, mind and soul, and she was the same woman that he loved and lost. The dark clouds had parted and sunshine was pouring down on him and he once again basked in the glory of this wonderful life which had been returned to him, and he vowed that he would never ever let her go again.

The Engineer/MBA Version

· God damned laptop crashed. Started hanging repeatedly, then after a while the stupid thing refused to start. Every time I pressed the power button it would show a blank screen

· Seemed fine in the morning, I was happily playing FIFA in my Consumer Behaviour class, seemed to be working then.

· The damn thing had to crash on a Saturday, bloody Dell tech Support also doesn’t work on weekends. For two days I had no clue what to do. Totally bored, no FIFA, no movies, nothing. Totally irritated.

· Finally called Dell Tech support on Monday. The moronic support guy kept asking idiotic questions, like ‘Do you have a screwdriver’. As if I have no better business than carrying screwdrivers around to class. Why the bloody hell did I pay 12k to Dell for tech Support, so that I can tinker with the damn thing myself. The bozo says that engineer will come on the next day before 12 or after 2.

· Bunked first class in the hope that engineer will come. Looser doesn’t turn up the whole day. I am now getting really annoyed, suffering FIFA withdrawal symptoms. Hands are automatically curling up in ASDW positions.

· Started worrying whether the hard disk had crashed. What the hell would I do then? All movies gone, all of FIFA gone, all the changes I made in the Arsenal squad gone. It would take me days to recover all of that.

· Get really pissed the next day and call the Dell guy. Give him a serious tongue lashing. He finally agrees to send an engineer immediately. Stupid engineer, who can’t drive gets into an accident, Dell guy says he can send another engineer only next day.

· Next day engineer comes, and starts dismantling my laptop immediately without even telling me the problem. I am really worried that he is a rookie who has no clue what to do. He then says motherboard is screwed needs to be replaced. Jaw Drops. But I say, ok replace it. He starts replacing; again I am worried because when he can’t locate the processor on the motherboard. I hope he knows what he’s doing, otherwise I am joining the ‘I hate Dell’ Society.

· Somehow he finishes it and then starts the laptop. And I finally see the Windows logo and I almost jump up in the air. Computer starts, all data seems to be intact.

· Laptop working again. Engineer leaves, I start playing FIFA 09’ immediately.

· End of Story

P.S – This story is based on a true incident.

Who needs a Stimulus Package when you have Real Madrid and Idiots?

2009-06-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

First of all pardon the repetition in the title, Real Madrid and Idiots are virtually the same.

80 Million is a funny number.

80 Million is the average number of times Cristiano Ronaldo dives in an EPL season

80 Million is the number of times Cristiano Ronaldo said ‘I am happy at Manchester United and I don’t want to leave (he presumably wanted to say ‘I am gay and I want to come’, but it got lost in translation)’

80 Million is the number of times Manchester United fans will call him a diving cheating twat, now that he no longer plays for them.

80 Million is the number of revolutions my stomach made when heard Ronaldo defending his decision to wear tight pink floral pants.

80 Million is also the number which could lift us out of recession – more on that later

80 Million is of course the most brandished number in the media, as it is the amount of money, Real Madrid have paid for securing the services of Cristiano Ronaldo (and some services they must be to be paying 80 million for them)

Incidentally other numbers which will soon also be cropping up shortly in the media are – insane amount of money Ronaldo himself will make, the number of Real Madrid players who will profess their undying love and affection to the great Ronaldo, the number of years it will take Fiorentino Perez to bankrupt Real Madrid.

So on to the deal itself. It’s stupid, it’s crazy and because Real Madrid and Ronaldo are both involved it makes perfect sense. But it goes against every grain of business sense and common intelligence that you would pay 80 million, which is roughly 5 times the entire GDP of the Democratic Republic of Tuvalu, for a footballer unless he happened to be Superman (or in the case of CRON, Wonder Woman), but then football has long lost all respect for economic common sense. But as I write this I realize that is deal could actually be one of those which could be a win-win for all people concerned.

Cristiano Ronaldo:

This would be the ideal deal for the effeminate cry baby from Iberia. Firstly his largely gay fashion sense won’t be out of place in Madrid and he will finally get his dream of being the caped crusader who will rescue Real Madrid from the dark depths of despair and catapult them to glory. That should do his over-inflated ego a world of good. Of course that is provided, Lionel Messi doesn’t give him one more hammering to remember (is it just me or do I seem to be putting in too many unseemly visualizations in this post).

Manchester United:

Of course they have lost an irreplaceable player, of course Fergie’s track record of expensive signings isn’t very good (35 miilion for Berbatov and 28 million for Veron, remember that) and of course people might soon realize that, the likes of Carrick and Anderson were nothing more than over paid show pieces in the Manchester United team, but heck they sure fleeced Real Madrid, and that has got be worth something. Also Ferguson will now have the chance to spread his evil in some other young impressionable youth (I think Karim Benzema seems ripe for the picking). And lastly, Manchester United have finally ensured their diversification into newer businesses, human trafficking to be more precise.

Real Madrid:

So they have spent 150 million, still don’t have a defence or a fit central midfield or a half-decent striker. But what the heck, they got Cristiano Ronaldo, and Fiorentino Perez’s harem, oops I meant football team is finally taking shape. And of course for Madrid, future bankruptcy, potential player discord, fair play, et al, really don’t matter, as long as their Galacticos is being formed (it’s funny how every time they say Galacticos i think of the Galapagos islands and the vision of a bunch of Dodos pops into my head), because ultimately everyone knows, that even if Madrid fail and go broke, the whole of Europe will pay through their noses to keep them alive.

(Interestingly club President, Perez says that the club will reduce debts by ‘increasing bank loans’, now I maybe be a lowly marketing student and I have seen financial whizzes conjure up something from nothing, but this seems too farfetched even for them)

The Whole Mortal World:

Personally it’s a great thing for me, because I no longer have to convince Manchester United fans that Ronaldo is a Grade A jackass, and since there is only one Real Madrid fan in my vicinity, I am absolved of that responsibility for good. It’s great for the economy also, for several reasons. First of all now that Madrid have gone and basically thrown away any and all economic sense into the Mediterranean, the world might be tempted to follow suit, and soon a whole bunch of idiots will be spending much more than they can afford and we shall be on the way to a rollicking economy again. And a lot of that idiotic spending will be on Kaka and Ronaldo jerseys, after all Madrid will have to sell a whole truckload of footballing merchandise to make this deal look financially sound. And that means more work for the sweat shops in Asia, which means an all round economic growth. Of course the country which is still really screwed is the USA, because they still know squat about football. I can already imagine the future 10 years now, when the next recession takes place we will all be talking about the gay-footballer bubble, which followed the dotcom bubble and the real estate bubble.

Finally, I do really pity the people of Detroit, with a whole bunch of people set to lose their jobs and income it really doesn’t help to see 80 million being spent on a footballer, especially because they probably can’t understand football anyway. I can imagine a whole bunch of Detroit suicide notes ending with the lines – “....those damn liars told me we were in a recession”.

P.S. – A few points I tried really hard to fit into the main post but couldn’t

Conversation between Madrid and Manchester United:

Perez: We want Ronaldo.

Ferguson: No, he is happy here and doesn’t want to leave.

Perez: I think you misunderstood his comments, the translation from Portuguese was mis-interpreted, check it again

Ferguson: (After checking with his Portuguese translator) Ok fine. But he won’t come cheap.

Perez: We will pay 80 Million

Ferguson: No. We want more

Perez: Ok fine, 80 Million and we bear the cost of the Pink Floral pants.

Ferguson: Done.

Will Ronaldo be given the famed No.7 jersey of Raul and if he isn’t what happens to Ronaldo’s perfume line CR7 ?

Now that Madrid have thrown the debt ridden Manchester United a lifeline and taken on some of their debt, will be soon see a race between the two to see who gets bankrupt first.

Finally, I wanted the title of this blog to be the ‘Cristiano Ronaldo Stimulus package’, but decided against it because that would be one unseemly visulization too much.

My Addiction

2009-05-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

I was sitting and doing my pre-read for my Consumer Behaviour class, and there was this case about people who are loyal followers of coffee, and I was amazed to think see how coffee can act as a substitute for so many different things to different people; for one person choosing gourmet coffee provided the only variety in life, for another it was the means for social acceptance which she lost because she was a lesbian (I am serious this was present in a B-school case study) and another person received virtually orgasmic pleasure (not mentioned in as many words)by observing the process of espresso coffee being made. And I couldn’t help but think to myself that these guys must be absolute losers, for their lives to revolve around a brand of coffee. And then it just stuck me, that this thought came from a guy who vehemently follows a football club which plays several thousand miles away from my home, whom I have never ever seen play in person, after whom I named my blog, and last night I spoilt my throat shouting at a television, in the hope that my sound waves will cause that tiny ripple (akin to a butterfly’s wings) which will become the cyclone in Rome which causes one of their bitterest rivals to lose a football match (in all fairness it worked as cyclone Barcelona literally blew Manchester United out of the park). Yes folks, the realisation dawned on me, I too am one of those losers, I too have an insane, unjustified addiction and it’s called Arsenal Football Club.

But I am not the only one, all across the world there are several thousand football fans (and sports fans) who behave like addicts, often driven to anger and violence by their addiction. For instance 200 Barcelona supporters were arrested last night after celebration of their win went violent, this like the delirium of an addiction which causes you to lose control. On the other end of the spectrum, you had the case in Africa, where a bus of Manchester United supporters ran over and killed 4 Barca fans, deliberately. This is a case where the addiction takes you to new levels of despair. Following a football team (or any sports team for that matter) is not only a passion, but can be an addiction. And this post is about that addiction, to an extent and perhaps few other things I can’t classify.

Let me start, the way they do in Alcoholics Anonymous and those other addiction centres, by stating the fact that I am an addict. I am a crazy fan of Arsenal. I have stayed up till 12 30 Am watching Arsenal beat Tottenham Hotspur to win the EPL championship, the day before my 12^th Std board exam. I travelled for 10 hours last month from Coorg, only to be able to watch Arsenal vs Liverpool, I have title my blog in its honour. And I abuse random people I don’t even know, with most profoundly disturbing insults, simply because they are not supporting Arsenal. I guess that should qualify for a mild addiction at least. But there are a lot of people who have such an addiction, at some level or another. So I got to thinking why people support certain football clubs, and I realized that what football club people support seems to reflect a lot on their psychology (just like the coffee study and the brand that the people followed revealed a lot about their life). For instance in my brief experience, I have observed, Arsenal fans, seem to be the most talkative vociferous type, who often like to engage in debates (intellectual or otherwise), they tend to talk a lot and will take you up on an argument on any topic (often also characterized by a strong sense of cynicism and sarcasm). Manchester United fans usually are quieter, and have a sort of silent arrogance (only in matters of football, no offence meant to any Man U fans, what the heck I am an Arsenal fan, all the offence meant), who require serious goading to get into a debate. Delving a bit deeper, why are Arsenal fans like that, or rather why do people with the above mentioned personality support Arsenal? Probably because Arsenal as a team lends itself to a lot of debate and usually such people like to be on the side of the debate which requires a bit more argument. For instance one of the arguments I frequently get into, is why Arsenal are a better football team, and represent the game better than Man Utd, despite the fact that Man Utd are not a bad team (footbalisticly speaking, otherwise they are the pure embodiment of evil) and are far more successful. Also people like us have a very high opinion of ourselves and perceive ourselves to be the ‘intellectual ones’ who are true admirers of beauty and aesthetics, and follow the truly pure brand of football. Man Utd fans on the other hand support the team which exemplifies the notions of ruthlessness and the killer edge, which characterize modern sport and modern society in general. These fans often aspire to have these values, think they have them or simply like to revel in the glory of others who do. Lastly, like any addiction, there is a certain takeaway. Fans who support successful teams, usually do it for the fact that their team’s success gives them solace when things don’t go right for them personally, fans who support their local community’s team do so because it transfers a portion of the feeling of success from their team on to them by virtue of the community connect (unfortunately it is also true for failure, which is why generally fans under this category are the one who react in the most extreme manner) and then there is me. This is where the post gets a little personal.

Why do I support Arsenal? Why do I continue to spend energy in this pointless pursuit (incidentally my one outstanding desire in life is to watch Arsenal play live)? Why have I named my blog after Arsenal, because, Arsenal in a manner of speaking represents the motivation of my blog. I usually tend to write my blog at the extreme ends of the emotional spectrum, either when I am delirious or severely pissed. And Arsenal represents that flip flop between the two extremes. And that is the ultimate answer to the addiction question. Most addictions, like sports teams, coffee brands and even religion, are the desire for the emotional flip flops which sometimes normal life can’t provide. Just to expand a little, a professor of once explained to me how cigarette addiction works. When you smoke cigarettes it releases a hormone which produces chemicals in your brain which give you a ‘high’, and over a course of time that level of chemicals ultimately becomes the normal amount required to maintain mental stability, hence it forms an addiction. Similarly people follow sports teams initially when they need a pick me up or some excitement, and soon it becomes a common place part of their emotional needs. Sports teams not only give us an outlet to express our emotions but often generate them. That’s why Arsenal games (and other football related activity) in addition to other events of my life act as a spur to many of my blogs.

Finally, why this post? A dear friend of mine once said she couldn’t understand why I was crazy about a stupid football team, and wrote angry rants and ridiculous appeals to God because of them. So I started thinking myself and it leads me to some of these conclusions. And at last, you might wonder whether this is an agony blog or an ecstasy blog. Well, Barcelona just hammered the crap out of Manchester United last night, and I spent tonight at a party dancing with some lovely ladies. So what do you think?

Ciao

Note: I am not a trained psychologist or an expert on any human behaviour (except mine), so a lot of these ideas could be just hot air, and the observations are based on my limited observation set. So if I have offended anybody with these generalizations, my sincerest apologies (unless you are a Man Utd Fan). It was probably the fact that I am beginning a course on consumer behaviour tomorrow and this is my mind’s way of doing warm up

Forgotten Hero

2009-05-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

There were quite a few things left undecided as the IPL came to a close. For instance, was the strategic time-out a disaster or a catastrophe, is Robin Uthappa a talentless buffoon or just plain retarded, is the KKR team universally popular or universally hated, and finally the toughest one of them all, who is the bigger moron, Rameez Raja, Pommie Mbangwa or that idiot in obnoxiously garish suits who was in the studio for the first half of the tournament? But one thing was certain - the IPL 2 took cricket commentary to never before seen depths of intolerability. In fact the commentary during IPL 2 was one of the reasons why some smart gentleman once remarked, “the mute button is one of the greatest inventions of mankind”. But there a few precious moments, during the nauseating dribble that was IPL 2 commentary, when cricket was cricket again, when even people like Yusuf Pathan were made to look like cricketers, rather than the cricketing equivalent of a construction worker whose only task is to smash a wall down with a sledgehammer, moments when Harsha Bhogle finally returned to cricket commentary after a terribly long hiatus.

When I look back at my life, I can lay the responsibility (or blame as some might call it) for my obsessive pursuit of sports (despite my complete ineptitude at playing any of them) squarely on the shoulders of two people - Harsha Bhogle and John Dykes. While one of them continues to be the face of football for Asian football fans, the other, who was once probably the second most recognizable name in Indian cricket, has slowly drifted in anonymity and has now been relegated to brief appearances on IPL broadcasts. In fact ever since the emergence of a plethora of sports channels in India all of whom are looking to make instant money with cricket, the cricket coverage has become splintered, and with each channel following the Set Max approach, of dumbing down as the only approach to make cricket more accessible, a true cricket enthusiast like, Harsha Bhogle, now seems to be superfluous to requirements. But enough of my rant on the state of cricket coverage in India, that’s a blog for a different day. Today’s blog is about a man who for over a decade made cricket come alive.

No other person I have seen has the same enthusiasm and passion for the game that Harsha demonstrated. And he spoke with a kind of sincerity that made you believe in him and the game, all this combined with an almost instinctive appreciation of the fine points of the game, made him one of the prime reasons why a generation of Indians were addicted to the game. In fact one of the reasons why we complain so much about the idiots we see in the commentary box today, is the fact that we have been spoilt by years of Bhogle’s presence, which more often than not compensated for the ignoramus sitting next to him. And watching the sport of cricket through the eyes of a person like Harsha, you cannot but gain a greater appreciation for the beauty of the sport. A marketing person from Set Max once told us that they bought in the likes of Mandira Bedi to describe the game because they wanted to simplify commentary. But the whole beauty of the sport is that sometimes someone needs to point out the artistry and magic of the game for it to really sink in. Sachin Tendulkar’s straight drive has become a part of cricketing folklore not just because of the beauty of the shot, but partly because of the way Harsha Bhogle described it. My fondest memories of cricket include the magnificent innings played by Sachin Tendulkar under severe stress at Chepauk in Chennai, in Pakistan’s return to India test in 1998, a match which India ultimately lost. And I can remember, almost as if it was yesterday the battle between Sachin and the Pakistani spinners on a minefield of a pitch. And every time the memory replays in my head, it always plays to the same familiar voice. Historical events owe their magnificence as much to the commentators as they do to the event itself. And in Harsha Bhogle, we have been privileged to have the finest commentator possible. I genuinely feel sad for the little kids of today, who will have to grow up to the sights and sounds of the IPL, which include the likes of Rameez Raja and Yusuf Pathan, particularly because we were privileged to grow up to those Sachin specials in the sandstorms of Sharjah and Harsha Bhogle’s description of them. Can you ever imagine the words ‘There goes Pathan and he hoiks its over mid-wicket for a DLF maximum’ becoming cricketing legend? And it wasn’t just during those great times that you remember that magical voice, even when Indian cricket went through the doldrums, in Harsha Bhogle you always had a calming influence, in the form of a voice which with unabated enthusiasm was always trying to highlight the beauty of the game. It’s funny how as cricket evolves, it has actually become a simpler sport, as a friend of mine pointed out to me the other day, T-20 has taken the complexity out of the sport and along with it the aesthetics also, when musclemen and innocuous off-spinners become match winners, you know that the space for sheer beauty in this game is increasingly becoming smaller. And it is in these times that I miss commentators like Harsha Bhogle even more. And as I write this, the future isn’t much brighter; the latest batch of cricket presenters includes former soap stars and reality contest winners, whose only claim to fame is their marketable personalities. Just as the evolution of cricket will deprive the future generations of classical cricketers, so too will they prevent the rise of enthusiastic young men, whose love for the game can infect you through a television screen. This post is a much a farewell to the future Harsha Bhogle’s and Gautam Bhimani’s as it is a tribute to them.

But let’s not lament the future just yet; with the Cricket World Cup in 2011 in India, not being telecast on SET, there might be hope yet. In the meanwhile a toast to the man who turned cricket commentary into an art form, the ultimate romantic of the game, who made me fall in love with the sport as well – a toast to Harsha Bhogle. And to the man, who in a speech in my college, said that he is going through the toughest phase of his professional career today, I wish him the best of luck.

War of the Rats - A Really Short Story

2009-05-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: The events in this post are all based on true incidents but might be exaggerated because the author is prone to sudden and uncontrollable bouts of melodrama.

Once upon a time there were 3 boys, Harry, Troubador and Satan, this is a story of what happened when they were sent away from Bangalore to Coorg on a mission to save the universe.

Cough Cough!!!

That was the universe politely telling me to leave it out of the story.

This is the chronicles of the experience of Harry, Troubador and Satan (names changed to protect their identity and because these names are much more cooler) in Coorg, where they were sent to fine tune their (mis)management skills by Doc (an all powerful entity suffering from occasional bouts of seniltiy), using an NGO as a Guinea Pig, after all only if you learn to screw up at the grass root level will you be able to commit the large scale blunders.

The three amigos arrived in Gonikoppal, Coorg, the lovely little two-faced hamlet, a bustling centre of activity which was mysteriously transformed into a dark deserted alley after 8 P.M in the night. So the three amigos were forced to stay at home and then one night as they lay nestled in their beds (with mosquitoes eating away their heads) and they suddenly heard a creature stirring all through the house (and it wasn't a mouse), it was a rat (don't ask me what the difference is).

Now before I describe the amigos tryst with the rat, a little background. This was the first time the Amigos were staying at a rural place (well at least semi-rural) for any length of time. It didn’t particularly bother the Amigos, but their mothers (God bless mothers for they never ending desire to feed their kids) thought that food did not exist on the planet where the Amigos were going, hence they sent along a lifetime supply (at least it was more than enough for 6 weeks) of junk food. Now generally food left uncared for in hostels attracts 'friend' you have never before seen in your life, so being away from the hostel, the Amigos thought their food was safe, but little did they know that another little furry friend had his eye on the food.

So we come to the fateful night when the battle began.

Harry and Troubador lay comfortably snuggled in their beds, using their free time to catch up on crappy movies which they might otherwise not have seen , when they heard an almighty scream, which shattered the peaceful silence of the little 2 room cottage. It was Kisna, the annoying pink haired, silver shirted, caretaker of the motel, who screamed like a girl (and according to Troubador scratched like one too) asking them to turn off the water in the bathroom, because apparently there was a leak somewhere, so Satan, being the least laziest of the three (possibly due to his experiences working in the anti-unemployment committee of a Bee School) went to check on the water, and on his way there he came face to face with that ghastly countenance which would soon become his nemesis. It stood there and just stared at him and the three-quarters of a second that he stared at it almost seemed like eternity, and in that eternity he could see the evil in its eye which made him cringe with fear (either that or he just stepped in his nemesis' excreta). Whatever it was, it was enough to send him to an uncontrollable panic (which could have also been due to the realization that there was no water in the bathroom and he had just had a very heavy dinner). Satan immediately claimed that we were under attack by the forces of evil and that they needed to protect their supplies - before mentioned food. So they decide to erect a tower and by that I mean, they dragged a table from the office and put it in Satan's bedroom and placed the food securely on the tower, in the belief that the enemy couldn't climb a table (that also proved to be a misguided belief which stemmed from the panic and bloated stomachs). So they went to bed secure that their food was safe, but suddenly, in the middle of the night Satan was awoken by a frightful noise, which actually turned out to be Harry's snoring, but as he was about to go to sleep, he saw those evil eyes again, staring at him, to his shock, from the top of the supposedly impregnable tower. As he tried to ward of the evil by shining a powerful light in its direction, the enemy reacted by launching its own counter offensive and leaped at Satan, nearly taking his head off in the process, a attack which Satan barely managed to survive without getting his hands dirty, literally.

So the next day the Three Amigos, got up and assessed the damage, it seems that their food supplies were compromised, but thankfully they still had enough to survive the summer (and possibly autumn, spring and armageddon). So they looked for alternative solutions to protect their precious cargo, and decided that they should just lock it in a cupboard with a door like other normal human beings, a thought which was highly damaging to their Em-Bee-Aa egos which after one year of mismanagement training was used to looking at problems and spending time to come up with the most complicated solution conceivable, by applying atleast a few dozen frameworks which all spoke about the same thing, but they nevertheless pursued the simple solution because the rule of mismanagement says that complex thinking is not required when you are neither getting money or marks for it. So the food was safe and the problem was solved. Or so you would think!

For Satan it had become a personal battle, it usually does after you step in rat crap. So Satan lay awake in the night devising evil schemes to end this war once and for all. And as he tossed and turned, wondering when he would get his shot at vengeance, the opportunity literally dropped itself in his lap; actually it was paint from the ceiling as the rat made its way towards their stronghold, making yet another unsuccessful attempt at reducing their food supplies. But this time Satan was ready, he slowly slid out of his bed, and went and locked the room, no one was going to disturb them, it was between him and the Rat. He blocked all exits from the room and picked up his weapon, an ancient and powerful device, which for decades had dealt with menace like this, the all conquering broom. As he picked up his weapon, he felt like a mighty gladiator (a feeling aided by the fact that the broom looked old enough to belong to ancient Rome) facing off against the vicious lions in the Colosseum. And he moved slowly towards Rat, with determination and murder in his eyes, and he lifted the broom and with all the strength that God had given Satan he struck at the Rat.

Alas, the broom unlike Satan was not up for the fight and collapsed under the pressure, disintegrating into a million pieces. And in an instant, Satan went from being the aggressor to the cornered, and it seemed like it was going to be a fight to the finish. Then in sudden bout of reverence towards each other, the 2 rivals backed off, and decided to end their hostilities for the night. And Satan who was moments away from glory was left picking up the pieces of a broken room (in hindsight Satan it was good thing that he did not emerge victorious that night, after all, it’s better to be cleaning the debris of a broken broom rather than disposing of a dead rat at 3 A.M in the morning).

The next day, Satan exhausted physically and mentally after a tumultuous night, decided to take a break and think about the events which just transpired, and took a trip home (it might also have had something to with his desire for a bathroom with running water and the need to escape the menacing eyes of Kisna). In the mean time Harry took up residence in Satan's room, and when confronted with the problem of the constant gnawing attempts made by the Rat on their fortress, decided that the best way was to ignore its presence, by shoving ear phones in his ear, a task made much easier by his chronic laziness.

And so it continued, for a few days, until the Rat committed its fatal mistake, it messed with the Troubador. The Rat decided to venture out of Satan's room in search for unprotected food, and began to venture into Troubador's room. Annoyed by Rat's constant nocturnal movements, Troubador decided to put an end to this nuisance. He decided that if food was what Rat wanted, food is what he will get!

So on a dark night, Rat ventured once more into the cottage he had learnt to call his home, and found waiting for him, a delicious piece of bread, dipped in cranberry sauce, and POISON. And the unsuspecting rodent devoured this offering, not knowing it was his last. And suddenly as he swallowed the last morsel, he realised what had just happened. he realised the great deception which had just been played out, the trap he willingly walked into. And he began to wonder, just what he had done wrong, was it wrong to want a little house of your own and some food and three amigos for company. He had just paid a price for these basic human desires, and then it struck him, he wasn't human, and so he had been struck down for wanting that which his species did not deserve. And his last thoughts as he saw the bright light approaching, was that it wasn't a bad way to go, a delicious cranberry flavoured treat, at least his last thoughts were those of culinary ecstasy.

The next day Satan returned, the relaxing break had given him new perspective on life, and he was fully prepared to share the cottage with the brave warrior rodent. And as he entered the room to the stench of death and a look of satisfaction on his friends faces, he realised what had just happened. And suddenly the brave exterior crumbled and he broke down at the loss of a truly noble spirit, and when his friends heard of the almighty tussle that had taken place between Satan and Rat, they were overcome with sadness and shame at the their actions.

As they lay the poor rodent down to rest, they shed a solitary tear in the memory of the Rodent who had for a brief period filled their mundane existences with adventure. As this chapter in their lives came to an end, Troubador, penned a verse to remember the furry creature who went from foe to friend in a short span of time.

"I see the stars a lot more clearly.

I have become to you a little more dearer.

I see rats with harps and wings

I see a plate of fried cheese rings.

I drop.

I leave.

I ascend.

I'm gone."

Note: The poem in the end is the creative product of the gentleman referred to in this piece as the Troubador, not yours truly.

‘The War of the Rats’ is name given to the battle between Russia and Germany for Stalingrad during WWII. It is also the title of a novel on the topic which focuses on the personal battle between 2 snipers, which was the inspiration for the movie ‘Enemy at the Gates’.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Rats

Social Contracts

2009-05-23T03:34:00.000-07:00

A couple of days back I was watching an episode of one of my fave TV shows, House M.D., and it has a case about a guy who suffers from frontal lobe disinhibition (or something like that), which basically removes the filter between your brain and mouth, and the guy ends up saying whatever comes into his mind. The episode uses this to touch upon the idea that all of share a certain ‘social contract’, whereby we deliberately conceal our thoughts from our social circle, and it works as a sort of mutual arrangement whereby you don’t tell me what I don’t want to here and I reciprocate the feeling. It’s kind of like, me asking my friend his opinion on my blog, and he says, “very nice, typically you”, where he really meant to say, “Get a life you jobless left wing freak who hates all things under the sun”. But it was a very interesting thought, wherein you are conscious of an underlying insincerity (for the lack of a better word) existing in those whom you socialize with, and what is more is that we actively encourage it. So I really began wondering whether all of our relationships, which in turn are the building blocks of society, built upon a mutual contract to deceive.

And as I got to thinking more, the whole idea of a universally accepted social contract changes your definition and understanding people. Do you judge people by how well they maintain the social contracts or, by what they really think and really are? And if you perceive the social contract as an obligation to another individual (I used to believe honesty and forthrightness were obligations to other individuals) then, is a person who puts on the best social mask actually the best person? For example, you have these people who seem to be universally popular and you think that he/she is an all in all great guy, and suddenly someone props up to you and tells you that he is a jerk who behaves differently behind your back (I am sure a common occurrence in social circles). What would you think of the person? Is he really a jerk because he is two-faced, or is he really a nice guy, because he takes extra care to fulfil his social contract towards you, although he might thoroughly despise you? And this leaves me really confused, if you look up idiotic psychology manuals, you will probably be exposed to jargon like – relationships are built on trust and honesty, and crap like that. And I my sudden opinion, which flows in the face of what I have always thought, was that sometimes, society as a whole has progressed because of this social contract, because a lot of the time what we really need to hear is that which we want to hear.

Imagine this, you have a crush on a girl and ask 2 of your friends what your chances are, one says – “ Sure go ahead, she is perfect and won’t be able to resist you”, and the other says – “yeah right, you as much chance of dating her as the Knight Riders have of winning the IPL”. Who’s the better friend? One who save you from potential embarrassment and a possible slap (physical or psychological) or one who provides you with the confidence which might help you score a date way out of your league? Honestly I have no clue?

But I then tried to think, that by taking this whole ‘social contract’ into consideration, how I would change my expectation of behaviour from different groups of people. This is what I came up with and the results were very confusing indeed

· Total Stranger I meet for a brief while – Total honesty

· Acquaintance of Acquaintance – Maintain Social Contract in totality, tread carefully in conversation

· Acquaintance – Either depending on whether he/she is Mr. Popular or Mr. Sarcasm

· Friend/Hangout Group – Honesty

· Good Friend – Follow Social Contract (cares more for what I feel than an average friend)

· Really Good Friend – Absolute honesty

It’s funny how a simple television episode, which just points a fact of society which has actually existed for ever, can actually cause you to reconsider the whole basis of human relationships. Of course, perceptions may change over a course of time, but human beings, they will forever be the same. For instance this blog writer has a brain to mouth filter, which is perennially turned off, even without frontal lobe disinhibitions.

(Why the hell are you) Doing that thing you do?

2009-05-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Why do people do crazy things? I don't mean crazy things like jumping of bridges for fun, or auditioning for MTV Roadies or supporting the Kolkata Knight Riders. In fact there are plenty of jobless scientists examining bodily functions which lead us to do those crazy things. Instead I want to know why people do ridiculous things like go to a big building with a funny looking dome and circle it 'N' number of times ('N' being odd or even depending upon your race, creed caste and sub-caste) in a specified direction, or starve themselves on certain specific days, or refuse to do productive work at certain times of the day. Unfortunately the entire amount of research which I was able to do on these topics by asking those who do these crazy things, lead me to only one answer - It is our culture/religion.

So you must have pretty much guessed that I am talking about weird religious customs which people follow for no good reason, at least not one that people have told me. Now most of these customs probably began at a time when somebody had something to gain from them and have since then stuck around because most people have been thoroughly indoctrinated with them and don't bother to or are just too damn lazy to ask why. So in my continuous quest for the answer to everything (and my perennial desire to be as blasphemous as possible) decided to rationalize my own reasons for weird customs. Since the list al of weird irrational customs would probably not even fit on the hard disks of all of Google's computers, I have picked just a few to set the ball rolling (also, beyond a point there is no rational explanation for the craziness, not even made up ones).

1. It’s that time of the Day

I am sure many of you, especially Tam-Brahms (Tamil Brahmins) out there have been told, not to do things at certain periods every day, each lasting for precisely 90 minutes. Now the funny thing is that the exact timing of these 90 minutes varies every single day, it’s almost like Gods wants to keep us on our toes by smiting us at different times of the day, I mean what’s the point of being all powerful if you become predictable. But seriously, what could possibly the reason for having different timings? I looked at each of the timings and came up with a pretty good idea, here's the list:

Mon : 7.30 - 9.00 AM

Tue : 3 - 4.30 PM

Wed : 12 - 1.30 PM

Thur : 1.30 - 3.00 PM

Fri : 10.30 AM - 12 PM

Sat : 9 - 10.30 AM

Sun : 4.30 - 6 PM

Now I am guessing these timings were suggested by some big shot priests who basically found them most convenient, and positioned these timings to best make use of the free time. Look at how Monday has the earliest time slot, after all who wants to get up early in the morning on a monday. Tue, Wed and Thur, right in the middle of the afternoon, so that they can have their lovely afternoon siestas, Friday, a little earlier, so that the work can be finished in the afternoon and they can party on Friday evenings (I think ancient times didn't have much of a night life, so the evenings were the party time) and of course nothing on Saturday morning, cause you need to get over the Friday hangover. And since then we have been following these ridiculous times to determine when we can work, pray, I wouldn't be surprised if there are people who coordinate their bowel movements to these timings.

2. That Crazy Music

Ever heard the music at a Tam-Brahm wedding? Well it’s not possible not to hear it, nowhere will you find more annoying music, particularly this one large instrument, which can not only can knock your head off if you're not careful, but also makes a sound which very closely resembles a man passing wind. And this instrument is played in a very peculiar manner, it starts at a slow pace on the first day of the wedding and slowly builds up pace till right at the time of the wedding, it goes bonkers, virtually taking the roof off. Now this is what I think lead to this ridiculous music becoming a part of Tam-Brahm marriages:

I guess way back some cheapskate must have thought – ‘How do I get these useless free loaders to stop coming to my wedding and eat all the food?’. Simple solution: get the most annoying instrument and start playing it; people will probably leave before lunch. So they start playing, but of course freeloaders being what they are were not to be deterred and stood their ground steadfast against the barrage of awful music. So they play it faster and faster, but people still stay (probably feeling that if they have endured this ridiculous music, they might at least get some food for it), so the speed increases. Until the final wedding moment when the guy puts all his effort into the instrument to take one final shot at driving people out of the hall. Over the course of time, our Tam-Brahm ears evolved to tolerate and in some cases even love this sound, thus cursing us forever

Note: The real fast crescendo at the end is also like a last minute warning sign to the couple, run for your life, get out while you still can. Its kind of like how in Christian weddings they ask - 'If anyone objects to this marriage please raise their hands'.

3. Not So Fast

This one’s probably the trickiest of the lot, what could possess people to starve themselves on a highly arbitrary basis. Honestly I couldn’t think of too many explanations for this one, actually I thought of way too many and rejected them all as being as ridiculous as the practice itself. But nonetheless here are a few plausible ones:

· Big shot priest decides he needs to lose weight (have you seen the average Pandit, they are fatter than Homer Simpson, no wonder they pray so much, that’s what keeps them from getting heart attacks), but he can’t resist the temptation of all that food, so he sets aside designated days for fasting when everybody suffers with him.

· Developed as a cost cutting tool during Ancient recession times.

· Probably started as method of Mother-in-laws to torture their bahus. It’s like ragging, started off once upon a time and people just continue it because they want to reciprocate the torture that they went through.

As ridiculous as these explanations sound, if someone could back into time and look into how a lot of our so called ‘culture’ came into place, you will probably find that it had to with somebody setting a trend probably for their selfish reasons or out of sheer stupidity and the rest of the world just followed it. And some people allowed these customs to remain, simply because they had learnt to profit from them, and now through centuries of indoctrination, they are a part of our lives. I once got a forward with a list of ridiculous laws, like ‘Carrying a fish in your pocket in some XYZ state of the USA is a crime’. Show this list to any sane person and they will laugh them off, but tell the same the person that these laws are no different from some of the things they have come to believe as ‘culture’ or ‘religion’, they will probably bite your head off.

Ciao

Pepsi or Coke - Congress or BJP

2009-05-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I heard someone say - "There are only 2 kinds of people in this world, those who drink Coke or those who drink Pepsi". For years now Pepsi and Coke have built an intense rivalry between each other, and have managed to become the only 2 names in the world of Cola. And they have each other to thank for it. Both Coke and Pepsi, who spend gallons of money on advertising, have tried their darnedest to claim that they are the best, at the same time they also, by competing only with each other, virtually imply that the other is the only viable alternative. Hence you have what we call in the business world an oligopoly or in this case Duopoly - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duopoly.

Why is this relevant to the Congress and BJP?

Well, because, considering that the 2 seem to have been very busy learning marketing this year, this is one trick that they did not learn, and now it has finally come to haunt them. In fact take a look at the majority of the developed nations, you will find that most of their political systems are Oligopolies. And it is this failure of the 2 largest political parties which has left the Indian voters spoilt for choice and our democracy, well that is just plain spoilt.

In the book "22 Immutable Laws of Marketing", Jack Trout and Al Ries, say that, in any industry, over the course of time, there are only 2 dominant players, there is no room for 3rd place.And so too in Indian Politics, there is no 3rd National Party, all the rest apart from the Big 2 managed to carve out a niche' for themselves and stay there, but the fact they have jumped to national prominence and can today aspire to host the next Prime Minister of India, is largely down to the short sightedness and ineptitude of the big 2. The once little known parties have piggy-backed on the larger parties and have grown in prominence and fame, using the resources and the reach of their much larger brethren. At a time when the big boys had a chance to assert their size and ignore the midgets, they chose the easier course, and entered into several unholy alliances all for the purpose of gaining immediate power, not imagining what the alliance could do to their own strength in this country. Back when the BJP gained power by forming the NDA, the Congress had the option to continue on its own, but they chose to take the coalition route, failing to see that the BJP was crumbling under the weight of its own size.

So what could the National Parties do to form an Oligopoly:

1. Do not form a coalition - The Big 2 are forming a coalition only because they can't get enough seats across the country. If they both don't form a coalition then they might not sit in the government, but then neither will regional parties. And initially there might be a little unrest and chaos, but ultimately through sheer neglect the regional parties will realise that they cannot compete at a national level, and that contesting Lok Sabha elections is an unnecessary strain on their resources (the Big parties could force their hand in this by conducting state elections vehemently, forcing the regional parties to concentrate on the Assembly elections).

2. Fight within Yourselves Only - If the Big 2 fight only amongst themselves, then they have the power to hog all the media attention, and starved of media attention a political party is nothing.

3. Recognize the other as the Only Viable option - The Big 2 have to state unequivocally that the other one is the only option for forming a government. In fact the 2 parties started doing that this year stating that a third front was not possible but again have begun to loosen their stance on that fcount.

These were just a few ideas of how India might get to becoming a 2 party Nation, for purposes of a National election. Of course any of this is very difficult to actually bring about and requires immense amount of political courage, a quantity, which currently is a rare commodity.

The other side of this issue is that a 2 party system good enough. People often say that 2 party systems lead to little or no choice, especially when it is ultimately the party which decides who the leader of the Nation is going to be. However I do believe that there is a need for reducing the sheer number of parties in a coalition, and more importantly bring ideology back into politics. We need parties which are different from each other in terms of belief and approach and not just some motley assortment cobbled together at the Nth hour.

May 16th is probably going to be the biggest day in the history of Indian Democracy (ya I know they say it every time), but this time we are at a crossroad. The coalition system has obviously become very unsustainable and might be reaching the end of its life cycle. If any of the Big 2 can form this government with minimum coalition, then it well might be the beginning of an Indian political oligopoly.

Update: Its the day afte the election and the birth of the Oligopoly has taken place. Congress got 200 seats and will form a government with around 3-4 firm allies, no more. And the fact that they have upped their individual seat count by over 50, means that the number of allies could go down further in the future. In fact but another 3 elections (2025 or so), provided they do reasonably well and the likes of RJD, SP and BSP and the Left continue their downward trend, we could easily see the Congress contesting the election more or less on their own, which apparently is Rahul Gandhi's vision. In the long term this could be the best thing to happen for India, in the short run, honestly speaking, the DMK and Trinamool Congress are not 2 parties I want to be at the centre in the current economic scenario right now. But democracy has never been about perfection anyway, so we live with what we have.

Armageddon Avoided - For Now

2009-05-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Last night we were two minutes away from the end of the beautiful game and just as I thought that for the second year in a row I would have to endure the torture of having to sit around and watch Chelsea and Manchester United run around like headless chickens on a football pitch testing each others stamina and the audience's patience, Barcelona scored in the 92nd minute against Chelsea to reach the Champions League final. yesterday I was thinking that if Chelsea and Manchester United met for the 2nd time consecutively in the Champions League final, then that was it for football, the game of football would have been shot in the face and left for dead in the streets, to be defecated on by street animals. Sounds a little extreme? Well the fact is simple, between the two of them, Manchester United and Chelsea, represent most of what is wrong with modern football.

Chelsea, well for starters their performance over two legs against Barcelona was shameful, it typical personified the modern day philosophy of 'doing what it needs to win'. Chelsea have long forgotten what football is all about a fact so succinctly reflected over the two games against Barcelona, made even more obvious by the beautiful game of Barca. Chelsea have always succeeded by playing the ugly form of football, something you would expect from teams struggling to avoid relegation in the Premier League, not a championship contender. It's made uglier by the fact that they have some of the most despicable footballers on the planet, John ' I can get away with murder' Terry, Frank 'Kick the ball on the opponents foot to take it to goal' Lampard, and of course Didier 'I can dive better than Michael Phelps or Cristiano Ronaldo' Drogba. Over the course of the last 4 years, Roman Abramovich and his Russian revolution at Chelsea, have been the prime cause for football to become billionaire's playground and it was Chelsea who started the trend of football teams growing mountains of unsustainable debt which might ultimately one day come back to bite them, and possibly the whole of football in the ass. And not to mention that their behaviour last night was deplorable, I mean, Drogba spent so much time on his back, that beyond a point it was difficult to make out whether he was trying to earn a penalty or was issuing some primitive mating call. And after the whistle, the Chelsea players literally assaulted the referee (God Bless the utter ineptitude of that imbecilic Norwegian referee).

And Manchester United are evil personified, and what is worse is that just because they are successful, they seem to get away with it all. Its true they are successful and play decent football, but their utter lack of sportsmanship makes them the worst ambassadors for sport in the world. And instead of listing all that is wrong with them, I will just say this, they are like the Australian cricket team under Waugh, and for every Indian cricket fan that should be enough.

So ultimately on May 27th, it comes down to the Battle of Good vs Evil, and the fate of football rests in the hand of a little maestro supported by a noble team, which kind of reminded me of the Lord of the Rings, so I got to thinking, if this was a footballing version of LOTR,then who would be the main characters. So here goes

The Good Guys

Gandolf - Pep Guardiola (Barca manager)

Frodo - Lionel Messi

Samwise Gamgee - Samuel Eto'o (well he's got the name Sam)

Arragaon - Theirry Henry (the King will return)

Legolas - Xavi (he passes with the stunning accuracy of an expert marksman)

Gimli - Yaya Toure (he's big strong and not so bright)

Merry and Pippin - Andres Iniesta (the way he's playing now he's equal to 2 hobbits at least)

Boromir - Dani Alves (well he kind of dies before the real fun begins, just as Alves won't be playing the final)

Elrond - Sylvinho (wise man, has been around for a while, doesn't actually do much in the war)

Arwen - Gerard Pique (well he looks like a Girl a bit and also he's a former Manchester United Player)

Army of Evil

Mordor - Old Trafford (the seat of all evil, with it's evil eye turned towards Rome)

Sauron - Anything Manchester United (the very embodiment of evil)

Saruman - Alex Ferguson (very skilled and powerful, but equally arrogant and all in all annoying pain in the ass)

Army of Orcs - The Rest of the Manchester United team ("Although not dim-witted and even crafty, they ugly, miserable beings, hate everyone including themselves and their masters, whom they serve out of fear. They make no beautiful things, but rather design cunning devices made to hurt and destroy" - Wikipedia)

There you go, the stage is set and hopefully forces of good will triumph.

My Top 5 - II: 5 Reasons why the 2009 Elections are Annoying

2009-04-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Elections are generally annoying, whether they be Indian, American, French, even elections for ridiculous posts in college student bodies are annoying. But this year the Indian election has been horrible, its been more excruciating than hearing Arun Lal talk during the IPL, it has been more painful than supporting a team with Adebayor and Abou Diaby playing for it, in fact sitting in Coorg suffering from acute water shortage,every morning I woke up I don't know what I was dreading more, the possible absence of water to conduct one's usual business or opening the paper only to find it filled with more hate mongering has beens and shoe throwing screwballs. But there were some reasons which super ceded all others:

1. The Conscientious citizens of India discovered their voice (and I found that I hate it)

I am sick and tired of all those do gooders high on tea leaves telling me to go and vote, constantly reminding me that the state of Karnataka failed to recognize my existence, and that given that I don't stay in my home town for than a few months every year, I might never get a chance to vote in the near future, which means that I will never be able to join the cool club( didn't you hear that voting is the in thing now). But I am more annoyed cause none of these do gooders actually targeted the right issue - why is it so god damned hard to get a voters id in this country?

And one more thing, is it just me or is there too much of Aamir Khan on TV. I am so confused when i see him, I dont know if I should vote, get a Tata sky or drink coke (given that I have Dish TV, just drank Pepsi and didn't vote, I have struck out on all counts I guess).

2. Will the real Minority please stand up?

Everybody seems to be queuing up for the minority vote. But who are these minorities, I seriously don't know, every time the BJP dude says 'we are doing the most for the minorities', i get the urge to ask the question "and that would be ?". And if they are the ones deciding the fate of the election, shouldn't they be called the majority?

3. Tujh mein Advani dikhta hai, oh God mein kya karoon?

It's really annoying having to see Mr. Advani's face everywhere I turn, I mean the TV was bad enough, but on every internet page ( I log on to an arsenal fan page only to see Mr. Advani's ad, I wondered if Advani supports Arsenal, then maybe I should turn pro-BJP)`, spamming my phone, thats too much. I swear I will kill the marketing professional who taught political parties 360 degree marketing.

4. A Friend in Need...might want a Cabinet post

It's really annoying to find absolutely no single party capable of running my country (a bit scary also). I used to hate the Congress cause they have the tendency to sleep with anyone to get into power but then I realised, that when it comes to political prostitution, the BJP are the founding fathers. The only difference between the two, is that if the Congress is like the Red light district hooker, then BJP is the high class escort, they have better clients. But still neither of them gives me any confidence. And every year the parties get more and more splintered, and that leads to more and more whore mongering,which essentially means that all the so called fronts that have come up have basically screwed our democratic system from behind.

5. The IPL go Bye Bye..

I was seriously pissed that the IPL went abroad because of the elections. It would have been so much fun to watch John Buchanan and SRK deal with the Kolkata crowd after having dropped Sourav as captain, but no that didn't happen, and its all because of the elections. Damn You!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL..

Darwin vs Scott Adams - Who is right about the fate of mankind?

2009-04-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

This post is borne out of a discussion between me and my friend,Jotisko, which began with the Roadies. Both of us were in agreement that the Hero Honda Roadies is a testament to that ubiquitous human quality of stupidity -I mean what can be more idiotic than moronic individuals prostrating themselves in front of a self proclaimed cool dude, with no credentials, so that you can give up all that is productive in life to go on a soap operaish road trip, and what the hell do you win in the end - squat, zip, nada, nothing. And it's not just Roadies, the world around us is going stupider by the day. In fact our society is getting so dumb that the Economist one of the world's leading magazines debated on whether modern media is making us dumber? Which means that for once I am not the only ranting raving lunatic who thinks that something is wrong. And so this lead me (Jotisko actually) to the conclusion that Darwin was wrong, the fittest aren't surviving, in fact the intellectually strong are a dying breed, so much so that we were surprised when the United States was actually able to find an intelligent man to become its President (and his predecessor was of course living proof of the emerging power of stupidity), and also indicative of this is the fact that we Indians aren't surprised that English hating technophobic imbeciles like Mulayam Singh are being courted to form governments at the centre. So as far as human intelligence is concerned I have a different theory for how we are evolving. The Scott Adams theory. According to Scott Adams, the three immutable laws of human nature are - Stupidity, selfishness and horniness. My theory is based on this basic premise. Here it goes:

Factor in a bunch of stupid horny people together, you get more stupid horny people. And because they are selfish they tend to surround themselves with more stupid people who will not make them look stupid. Now assuming that the level of horniness in all individuals (stupid or otherwise) is the same then it is not wrong to assume that stupid people will procreate at a faster pace (what with birth control being so hard to understand and all). So you end up with more and more stupid people forming closed stupid people groups alienating the intelligent ones who are losing out in the numbers game. Then what happens is that because the number of stupid people is so large all our media is forced to churn out products which appeal to them (and which are dumb enough for them to be able to comprehend) and of course if you need to make products for dumb people then you need dumb people to understand what they want. So the media ends up being controlled by the stupid. And once the media is in their hands its all downhill. And all the while the intelligent section of the universe is slowly dying out, partially due to lack of companionship and partially due to boredom. So much so that, to quote Jotisko, "the intelligent people on Earth are declining at such a catastrophic rate that soon we will have naked PETA supporters trying to stop us from getting extinct".

Now if you believe this theory is far fetched and ludicrous, look at how the Bush government came to power and survived. He came to power cause all the stupid people thought that he was the simple understandable dude with whom they could have a drink and that Al Gore was a raving intellectual loser who's incessant talk of the environment was just too boring and uncool (not to mention incomprehensible) to the normal public. Thus the stupid man won because his stupid brethren understood him, and of course to cover up his stupidity he surrounded himself with stupid morons, who supported his stupid decisions and the stupid species triumphed. So much so that his party converted an intelligent war veteran into blithering idiot so that they could follow his legacy and appeal to the stupid people. In fact it took the greatest media campaign and truckloads of money to actually get an intelligent man into the white house, showing that the intelligent species has to fight that much harder (of course few of Obama's initial decisions shows that he might also be switching his loyalties to the stupid species).

Ou only hope for survival lies in the concept behind the Darwin Awards (The Darwin Awards those people who through their own acts of stupidity remove themselves from the Gene pool- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_awards). So we can only sit back and hope that stupid folks(like dinosaurs) become extinct. Of course this is process will be speeded up if more members of the stupid species continue to oppose technology like stem cell research in the name of God, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or whatever other mumbo-jumbo stupid people believe in.

P.S on a side note - ""For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk " - Stephen Hawking".

My addition to that - " For several years (after learning to talk) we behaved like sensient, intelligent, civilized beings, then something happened, which stifled our creativity and imprisoned our intelligence, and made mankind once again behave like a herd of animals. We discovered religion".

History is in the Making! From where do you want to see it?

2008-10-11T06:56:00.000-07:00

The world around us is changing, no one will question that statement. After years of stable progress the world has been thrown into sudden turmoil. Organisations are fighting for their existence, a nation stands on the verge of bankruptcy and people are running scared in all directions. Newspapers and journals have no qualms about brandishing around words like 'recession' and 'depression', with a common feeling that the times ahead are only going to be more turbulent. But this piece is not about the change as such, but how we are going to witness it. What kind of vantage point do you want, while witnessing the most historic turn of events in the 21st Century?

Over the last few weeks, several people I know have had doubts over their decision to join a B-School during this period. Leaving aside comfortable jobs to come here only to find their future's becoming seemingly insecure or at least a little less iron-clad than before. However, I am of a different view, I think that a B-School is the best place to be at this point of time. Consider this analogy, when history is being made, do you want to be part of the making or do you want to be the one recording history. The one's who are part of the events, may or may not come out victorious, and in this case God alone knows who (if anyone) will win. But those recording history are relatively safe, and yet have the added advantage of knowing exactly what happened. I think that's the kind of position I am in right now. At SP I have gotten a far greater understanding of events around me than I would have had I been anywhere else, same goes for any student in a B-School. With the vast number of knowledgeable people around me, it is easy to make keep track of and make sense of what is happening. For example the Economic Forum of SPJIMR sends out mails almost daily explaining economic events happening around us. But more than the knowledge its the perspective which really helps. It feels like having a real live case study where you can apply the stuff that you learn in class everyday. And as the situation evolves so does our knowledge, which means that after a year or so, once the situation stabilises (hopefully it will) we'll be best prepared to tackle the brave (or not so brave) new world. Compare this to situation to people who are working or directly impacted by the economic crises, they have a very narrow view of the situation. For example most players of the stock markets supported the federal bailout by the US governement without knowing the real impact of the act. But as a B-School student you are exposed to several views which you can study in detail before reaching a decision. Finally, from where I stand, the future is still in my hands, and I can still mould my career choices to the economic environment.

And as Pink Floyd said " "And would you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?".

So what do you think is the best vantage point to view this crisis from?

Thank God Its Wednesday !!!

2008-10-01T06:38:00.000-07:00

Since here at SPJIMR we live our lives in between Wednesdays, i've decided to start a sort of "my week in review" section, every wednesday.

The High Points:

Well never thought I would say this, but the high point of my week was my trimester end exams. Oh yes those God awful exams which made me cringe during my times in Engineering, are actually a welcome relief in a B-School. Without saying much more I'll just give you guys a few facts; I slept for about 7 hours on an average during the 3 days of exams, while my average sleep time durina a normal working day at SP is about 4.5 to 5 hours. Perplexed! Me too. In fact my average sleep time during exams in engineering was about 3 to 4 hours. Somehow studying for exams seems utterly pointless, considering I actually ended up doing reasonably well (well enough to be in the middle 50% of the class, where I am extremely happy to be).

Well enough of exams, another good high for the week was the Federal $700 Billion bailout being rejected, although the stock markets didn't react to it that well. However I feel it is a good thing, particularly because the bailout would be equivalent to rewarding the recklesness and greed of the largest corporations in the world, which put us in this mess in the first place. However personal feelings aside, the B-school student in me tells me that in the long run it would be in the best interest of the economy as a whole for these companies to survive, even if it means rewarding (or atleast rescuing) their stupidity. Again however opinion on that front is divided, read this point of view from a Harvard Economist

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/29/miron.bailout/index.html

The Lows:

"What the HULL?"

Sorry for ripping of Times' headline, but that was my low point in the week, to watch agonisingly, on Saturday, as Arsenal lost (at home) to Hull City.It was a truly painful experience. Didn't help my exam preparations either! And it was made worse by the, awesome performance of Arsenal against Porto yesterday, which shows how awful a day Saturday truly was. And it troubles me that Arsenal are become one of the mercurial sides, who can go from the sublime to the ridiculous in a matter of days. And the problem is, earlier when Arsenal lost it was because of some lack of killer edge, or failure to convert their exceptional football into results, but this season whenever they lose, it it because they have played terribly, without any commitment or desire. That hurts as a fan.

Well I have to mention it cause it happened, the bomb blasts. Seems every time I sit down to write a blog, there has been a blast. And I am truly speechless about what to say about these hideous acts. We seemed to be trapped in a vicious cycle of hate and counter-hate, which just doesn't show signs of ending.I truly regret my words in the last blog where I said that I wouldn't think about these things till the next blast. I get the feeling maybe I tempted fate there. But honestly I would consider it a perfect week, if the next time I write a post I could do so without using the words bomb or blast. However tomorrow is Gandhi Jayanti and the 'International Day for Non-Violence', I just hope God does not like irony.

WTH Wednesday

Well this is the moment of the week which made me go WTH!!! (What the Hell), I do it quite frequently but this is the one moment where I meant it.

Well for this week's WTH (more of a WTF) moment; it's a truly comical moment, and I am sure Mr.Murphy will be rolling over in laughter in his grave, looking at Ferrari and saying "I told you so!!!", because what happened with Ferrari in the Singapore GP on Sunday, must surely come under the category of "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong".
I mean allowing a car to move with the fuel hose still attached to the car, is something I wouldn't expect from Indian petrol pump attendents, let alone a Ferrari pit crew, who I guess might be better paid than most B-School graduates (well maybe not)! It was just one of those moments that doesn't make you just laugh but rather roll on the floor with the kind of sarcastic laughter which Nelson has in The Simpsons (he basically points at the person and goes "Ha Ha", repeatedly). I mean for all the money that Ferrari spends on the car, and the fuel and the technology, you would think they can refuel the damn thing without a glitch. Too bad it happened to Ferrari, would have been even funnier, had it been Mclaren, or funnier still had it been Fernando Alonso, in fact Alonso might have gotten out of the car at that very moment and started throwing a hissy fit, as it happened the whiny cry baby spaniard, went on to win the race.

Random Nonsense

One interesting thing I realised this weekend was that, somehow exams seemed to bring out the worst in even the most talented people. And by worst I mean, people who you think could breeze through papers are actually fretting over it, losing sleep and getting nervous. Which kind of really surprised me until I came across this really good article:

http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/lockers/users/f/felder/public/Columns/Impostor.html

And it really seemed to connect with me, cause this is a feeling I have gone through personally, especially in a place like SP, where I am sorrounded by some incredible talent, it seems difficult not to feel out of place and wonder whether I deserve to be here. But then after reading that article, it was sort of comforting. And as Harsha Bhogle says, in his speech at IIM-C (a must watch), "One thing the college taught me is...that I after coming here I felt that I have arrived". And it is true, because for once after going through one rigorous, hellacious month at SPJIMR, I finally feel that this is something I can do, that maybe SPJIMR knows what is is doing when they selected me. And maybe soon I will be able to say, I too have arrived.

On that bright note. Ciao .

And SP Rocks!!!

Random Words on a Wednesday : "They claim to be be free-market advocates when its really an anything-goes mentality: no regulation, no supervision, no discipline. And if you fail you will have a golden parachute and the taxpayer will bail you out." - Nancy Pelosi

"Pinky: Gee, Brain. What are we going to do tonight?

The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world. "

Dedicated to the Memory of Investment banks...

2008-09-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

Well it seems to be becoming a pattern for every Saturday and Sunday. For the 2nd week in a row the following events have occurred:

1. Arsenal rocked in the EPL, their rivals faltered.

2. Terrorism struck again.

3. Financial world was turned upside down.

4. And i suffered through yet another exasperating exam at SP.

So begin with the bad news first, its the end of an era, so the Financial whizz in my class tells me, there no longer exist any investment banks, the 2 large remaining behemoths of the game are now just run of the mill banks. Not earth shattering news to the layman, but men in the world of business, it is as if someone pulled the rug from beneath their feet. And it is especially bad news for the MBA grads who dreamt of careers in i-Banking (and believe me there are a lot of them), because it causes them to seriously rethink there career goals. Not that it means all of suddenly we MBA's become jobless, but maybe some of them will have to climb down a bit from their lofty perches. It helps in that case when you are a fresher with very meagre expectations, and anything goes. Just for additional info, the marketing students at SP had a field day at the expense of brothers in Finance. All of a sudden selling soaps and shampoos doesn't seem that bad a proposition.

Now we move on Arsenal, yet again Arsenal rocked and their rivals were bad. The Man Utd-Chelsea game seemed like the 2 teams forgot how to play football, and were concentrating more on getting the opponents foot than the ball. And yes Liverpool are still the most boring team ever. But let's move off the pitch for a while, and there is this interesting bit of info I came across. As the financial turmoil shows, its not been a good time for banks, but what about football clubs. Even they have suffered badly in this situation. Its been quite widely mentioned about how Malcolm Glazer (Man Utd) and Hicks & Gillette (Liverpool) have had trouble repaying interest on their loans which they made to purchase these clubs, because of the credit crunch. But even Arsenal have been hit in an unexpected way. After Arsenal switched stadiums in 2006, the site of the old stadium Highbury was used to develop a housing complex to act as an additional source of revenue.But the downturn in the economy, especially the Real Estate sector, has seriously affected the profitability of the project and is probably one of the reasons why Arsenal maybe short of funds for players. So there you go, football and business in the same post.

I really don't wanna talk about stuff like bombs and exams, because after a depressing week I am finally in a good mood now. So lets just say that these horrible things happened, and maybe we can put them behind us, at least till the next mindless terror attack takes place or till I get my exam grades.

On another note, one of my friends asked me for the meaning of a word I had used in my previous post - Schadenfreude.

Well Schadenfreude basically means taking satisfaction from the misery of others. And basically scientists say that no matter how much we pretend to be empathetic and sympathetic, there is some sense of schadenfreude in each of us.

Brought this up today, cause there was obviously a lot of schadenfreude around today after the whole i-Bank collapse.

So bye from me for now. As I write this I realise that I am one week away from become a 16.67% manager (end of TRIM-I). So heaven and hell wait at my doorstep. Goodnight and good luck to all.

Random Thought for the Day : The plot for the next Jurassic Park sequel will go something like this - "A bunch of intrepid and reckless individuals, characterised only by the initials M.B.A enter into the deadly financial jungle looking for the extinct beast they once knew as the 'i-Bank'. This once powerful being is now nowhere to be found, but the remnants of its existence still remain in the form of a swamp of written of loans, and the deadly 'bad debts'. So the question remains will the men find this beast, will they be able to control it, or will it devour them also."

My Top 5 - I

2008-09-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

This idea is inspired by the tradition of having Top 5's during birthdays here in the SPJIMR Boys Hostel, the subject matter however is something different.

I have basically decided that from time to time I am going to put up lists of my own, giving my top 5 on anything that catches my fancy. So here goes..the first Top 5

My TOP 5 - Songs to Get Away from it All

Sometimes when life becomes really hectic and chaotic (refer last post), I find my solace in music, and sometimes you have these songs which you just close your eyes and listen and forget about everything else in the world. These songs somehow just take me to place where I am alone with only the thoughts in my head. And boy do I need them nowadays.
So in no particular order:

1. Tuesday's Gone - Lynrd Skynrd
A really melancholy song, with beautiful instrumentals and those awesome country vocals.

2. Mr.Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan
Bob Dylan's awesome lyrics, it feels like poetry flowing through your brains when I listen to this song.

3. Wrote a Song for Everyone - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Not a very famous song, but just couldn't get it out of my head when I heard it the first time. Thank you Winamp Shuffle!!

4. Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
My favorite romantic song of all time. Clapton's guitars and that slow waltzy beat just make this an awesome getaway song.

5. Comfortably Numb- Pink Floyd
This list wouldn't be complete without a Floyd number. My getaway play list probably has more Floyd songs than any other band's.

Honourable Mentions:
Orion - the Acoustic Version by Rodrigo y Gabriela
Soldier of Fortune - Deep Purple
Wish you were Here - Pink Floyd

Random Words for the day :
"I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
I promise to go under it." - Mr Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan

One More Thursday, One More Week....

2008-09-18T12:40:00.001-07:00

As one more Thursday disappears into the horizon, its time to reflect on what has been a truly tumultuous week, not just for guys at SP, but across the world.

Where do I start, for one it was possibly one of my most stressful weeks at SPJIMR till date, with 9 hr classes almost every day, tons of assignment, falling like bricks, and a few quizzes to to add to the chaos. All of which was accentuated by the return of the rains. And this just a prelude to the real hell awaiting us in the final week of our trimester - 3 Term Project submissions, 3 quizzes, 6 End term exams and probably more rains. I guess from now on we call this business as usual. And somehow my life seems so chaotic nowadays, so much work to do, that I don't even remember all of it, no clue where to start, and in generally I am so confused.

And the funny thing, is that somehow the entire world around me is mirroring this chaos and desperation( or maybe it's the other way round). First we had the bomb blasts in Delhi, and the frantic manhunt following it. Not mention the fear which has enveloped the nation. And then almost immediately came the news which spent the world's economy on a downward spiral. The collapse of Lehman Brothers and sale of Merill Lynch in the same day. Then AIG's last gasp rescue just the day after. And news coming in that even players like Goldman Sachs are looking for salvation. I have never seen a bleaker economic outlook in my life, and its down to a stage where all the finance graduates are virtually shitting in their pants worried about there future.

Even the Red and White couldn't cheer me up, Arsenal got only a draw at crummy Dynamo Kiev, and the only good thing about the match was that I couldn't watch it. And it turns out that the career of a player I really like, Tomas Rosicky, is in serious danger due to a debilitating injury. It just kept getting worse.

I made plans to watch Wall-E thrice and had to cancel them all the times. I saw Rock On, liked the move, but for some reason just couldn't enjoy it. And as if to top it of the book which I got as a part of my college book club this week was - "Death of a Salesman". Ironic isn't it?

I guess for some reason I saw everything through a black shade. Maybe it was just one of those weeks!!

And finally, possibly the most depressing thing I read all week, is the one which cheered me ; the inflation in Zimbabwe hit 11.2 million percent this week (the highest in the history of history) and well It got me thinking, atleast I am not stuck in god forsaken Zimbabwe.

Schadenfreude` Anyone?

An Innovative Business Model for Helping the Society

2008-09-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

One of the first things you learn in a B-School, is that for any business to succeed is the need for a good business model. The same I believe can be applied to social service. The problem with most social service initiatives in the country today, is that they don't consider the basic understandings of the people working for them. Also most of them struggle to become self sustainable and are overly reliant on the altruistic spirit of human beings. Which is my most of them get underway but fail to take off and don't make a significant impact.

Recently however I had the opportunity to listen to a very impressive presentation by a group, which I really believe have an idea that will work. The organisation was called Teach For India and they proposed an idea which can go a long way in eradicating educational deficiencies of the impoverished section of the country. The basic idea was this : the organisation planned to go around the country to the finest educational institutions and aim to recruit the best students from these universities, through quite a rigorous selection process I might add, and then train them to teach in a government school in a poor section of the country for 2 years. Now after this is where the real innovation comes in. After the 2 years of teaching experience the participants in the program are free to stay or leave to return to their careers and ambitions. And in order to facilitate that the group plan to (and have already started) to establish ties with corporates and educational institutions, to allow people to take up deferred job placements and the educational institutions provide preferential treatment to people who have undergone this program. This program which has already been tried in the USA included institutions such as Harvard and organisations such as Goldman Sachs.

Now here is why this plan can work:

- The people who sign up for this program are amongst the most intelligent and well educated, which increases it's chances of success.

- They have something tangible to gain out of this. A great experience which will add on to your resume`. A better chance to get into a good college (SPJIMR has already signed up for this program with Teach for India, and several other prestigious institutions might do so).

- For graduates with time on their side, many of whom often spend few years unnecessarily in meaningless jobs only to go on and do an MBA, this is a great chance to do something worthwhile and also to improve their chance for success.

- Most importantly, the organisation is self sustaining in the long run.

I wanted to share this idea with you because I believe it's a model for not only improving education but also for all other forms of social service in the country. Basically what we need more than just a spirit it needs to be modeled properly, we need to provide sufficient value to the people who are a part of it. The problem with our country is that we jump into action without enough thought and planning. Whether it be improving education or flood relief, we are far more comfortable throwing money and charity than trying to finding a viable solution.

I truly hope that the 'Teach for India' innovation succeeds, at least it will act as a fine model for others.

The Gun(ner)s were Blazing...But unfortunately,so were the bombs...

2008-09-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

Well, another saturday goes by, where the rest of the world enjoys a nice weekend while the future leaders of the country at SPJIMR slog their asses away. We had yet another gruelling mid-term today, DMS. And although my performance wasn't particularly heartening, I will say one thing, God bless the man who invented relative grading (you are not screwed, If everyone else is also screwed). And btw, if you seem to discover a pattern amongst my posts, wherein almost every post has some quiz or mid-term mentioned in it, it's because of 2 reasons mainly : 1) There are just so many of them!!! As one of my friends puts it, when we first came here our reactions to quizzes was - WHAT!!!, and now it is - So what!.

2) With so many quizzes around it's probably, there is no time for anything else here, its the most worthwhile bloggable thing that happens around here.

It was a mixed day really, after the dampner of the DMS mid term, my favorite team in the world, brought a smile back to my face, as the The Gunners demolished Blackburn Rovers with a 4-0 scoreline and a 5-star performance. And it seems Adebayor finally put his shooting boots back on,as he got a hattrick. And if anyone wonders why this team is so special, Arsenal finished the game, with a team on the pitch whose average age of the outfield players was around 23. And the entire team probably costs less than one whiny cry baby Dimitar Berbatov, whose presence could not prevent Manchester United from losing to a Liverpool team without their 2 best players. I do remember somebody saying Man Utd sucks without Ronaldo, oh wait a second, that was me.

Earlier this week I posted about the futility of rankings, particularly for educational institutions. A couple of my friends told me that I was wrong, and not that I am trying to justify my position, but take a look at this, a ranking for B-Schools, by one of the most popular networks in the country:

http://campusfever.com/blog/forms/zee-bschool-survey

Please do pay attention to the positioning of IIPM in the rankings. And every B-School student or aspirant knows where IIPM stands. And its not just this one fact, look at the various sub-categories given in the rankings. With any amount of decent research and information gathering it is extremely easy to see what a piece of crap these rankings really are. I am not even going to get into the details. But just one glimpse, MDI, Gurgaon, arguably one of the best in the country when it comes to infrastructure is ranked as low as 13th.

The day however ended on a sour note, with the bombings at Delhi. Its really sad to see these kind of incidences occuring so frequently now. And I don't what to jump on the 'attack the government' bandwagon, but really isn't there anything we can do about these things. The cloud of fear is slowly creeping over this nation, and it has almost reached a stage where all the citizens of the major cities are living in a constant state of fear. In fact I remember about a couple of months ago, when the blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad took place, a week after that I had to travel to Marine drive by train for a class assignment, I had to think twice before travelling and almost postponed the trip, because of the threat of an attack. It has almost become a perennial Sword of Damocles, hanging over our heads. And I know we have almost made a catchphrase out of the whole India bounces back again and again thing, but there has to be a limit. We shouldn't have to bounce back so often. Someday we might just stay down. And this attack comes on the eve of one of the biggest celebrations in Mumbai, the Ganesh visarjan and I do believe the mood for the festivities will be dampened by today's events and the extreme security bound to present tomorrow.

May peace be with the families of those affected by this act.

Random Quotes for the Day: "Terrorism is contempt for human dignity"

Random Thoughts

2008-09-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Its been a lazy thursday. And after another hellacious week at SPJIMR, it was nice to be able to relax a bit, sleep late and generally not do anything for a change.
Of course as I am writing this I realize that I have a DMS (Decision Making Science) mid-term coming up in couple of days, which basically means that the my R&R ends the moment this post is done.
Still it's been a good SP weekend (Wednesday night and Thursday).

For one I went out for Italian food last night, and after eating the crap the mess people have thrown at me in for another week, it was like walking into an alternate universe. Of course that makes it just as hard to step back into reality again.

Also one of my favorite footballers, Theo Walcott (yes, he plays for Arsenal) had an awesome game yesterday night for England, scoring a hattrick against Croatia. And as much as I hate seeing England win, it was great that Theo won the game for them. And interesting Arsenal turncoat David Bently who had said that Theo should leave Arsenal, saw this magnificent display from the stands (he was'nt even in the squad for England). And to top it all Theo was playing in the position that Bently hoped to make his own after Beckham's departure from the team.

Oh and I will be making my 3rd appearance on TV on a channel called UTVi, in a program called Cracking Careers, for a 30 second sound byte. My previous 2 appearances included a show which was done by UTVi again on Independence day at the SPJIMR campus and a small segment on CNBC a couple of days ago when they spoke to B-School students about the Nuke deal. I know it's not much, but hey not many people can claim they have been on television thrice in the space of 2 months. :)

And finally on a slightly sour note, I read in TOI today that some girl committed suicide after reading the numerous reports on newspaper and the Web, that the world was going to come to and end because of the LHC experiment (see my previous post). Supposedly she couldn't handle the suspense and popped some pills. Now although this is a an extreme case (and sounds kind of fishy to me), it neverthless shows the irresponsible reporting that has been associated with the LHC experiment. For instance Rediff.com's headline was "A Wednesday! Will the world survive it?", this either shows either a gross lack of knowledge or a pure disregard for facts. In fact just to clarify the LHC experiment has just begun and it might take a while to genereate any results (meaningful or otherwise) let alone cause world destruction. And despite repeated assurances from scientists that the whole black hole fears were unjustified and a statistical improbability, a certain section of the media has just ignored them. And while I have absolute respect for most of media in general, some of them can be just pure as****es.
And just to clarify my last post, I dont believe that the world will come to an end and that we should'nt be thinking of the netherworld just yet. It was just an interesting thought.
And for anyone who might still be waiting for doomsday, read this nice piece for clarification:
http://news.economist.com/cgi-bin1/DM/y/eBbUo0YNyd60Mo0FGgy0E5

Random Quote for the Day: "Europe's Large Hadron Collider just fired up. It's a $10 billion particle accelerator designed to probe the mysteries of the universe. I think it is worth the money if we can find just one unicorn. But I would also settle for an elf, or free will, or Jimmy Hoffa's body. I'm just saying I'm not fussy when it comes to discovering stuff." - Scott Adams

Science meets Science Fiction : The Moment of Truth?

2008-09-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

September 10th could be the biggest day in the history of mankind. It could be the day some of the most intriguing questions of life get answered. It could be the day we find out the true nature of the universe. If some others are to be believed it is the the day the entire world could come to an end. It could of course also end up being just another depressing, quiz filled rainy day in SPJIMR, Mumbai, as far as I am concerned.

But being the eternal optimist that I am, I do believe that September 10th will be something special, because on this day the Large hadron collider, the largest particle accelerator ever built (by CERN) is going to go operational.

For the uninitiated who don't know what the LHC is and what it is capable of, it is the similar to the device mentioned in Dan Brown's(remember him) 'Angels and Demons' which produces the dark matter. And for further info read this:
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/03/god-particle/achenbach-text
Just quoting from the above article:

"Starting sometime in the coming months, two beams of particles will race in opposite directions around the tunnel, which forms an underground ring 17 miles in circumference. The particles will be guided by more than a thousand cylindrical, supercooled magnets, linked like sausages. At four locations the beams will converge, sending the particles crashing into each other at nearly the speed of light. If all goes right, matter will be transformed by the violent collisions into wads of energy, which will in turn condense back into various intriguing types of particles, some of them never seen before. That's the essence of experimental particle physics: You smash stuff together and see what other stuff comes out."

So what so special about this particular smashing exercise? Well the stuff they expect to come out might tell us some very interesting things, answers to questions you have never thought of asking. For instance ever wonder, if matter is made of atoms which in turn are made of protons, electrons and neutrons, then what are the protons made of (everything has to be made of something right) ? Fundamentally it could give us what comprises the mass of the universe.

Now if all that was nice and pleasant, the real question is what else will happen? And if some doomsday mongers are to be believed then this experiment will result in giant black holes and wormholes which will cause the world to disappear into itself. And although the ideas seems ridiculous to most individuals, it has actually caused legal issues for CERN, producing lawsuits preventing the machine from starting up.

Personally I am not a physics enthusiast, but I did try to read up about the whole black hole concerns on wiki and well couldn't make head or tail of it. But then it got me thinking if the world were to dissolve in a black hole, how would it happen. I mean think about it, how will you kick the bucket, if you do actually kick the bucket in this scenario. Or will I exist in some other parallel universe. Or will I just stop existing. I mean I can imagine just sitting in class breaking my head on Working Capital management one second and then the next second I stop existing !!! Would I even know that my time on this planet is up? Correction would I know that the whole planet's time is up? And what about all the stuff that we have learnt about, souls, aatma, parmatama, salvation etc etc..I mean are you eligible for entry into heaven if you don't actually die. Or will you soul be wandering around the universe aimlessly? And what about God? Imagine that God could be just sitting around his office happily going about His job of monitoring humanity and all of a sudden he realises that humanity has disappeared and He's lost his job?

And wait a minute..what if this is my last blog post ever. Should I be wasting it talking about particle accelerators, black holes, souls and divine unemployment. So ask yourself, if you could write one single post on one topic only, what would be your last post on this planet? Your parting message to humanity.

Would you try and wax philosophy? Would you attend to unfinished business like vent your anger on someone, or tell a girl you have a crush on that you like her? Or would you just say a nice goodbye to all your loved ones? And how would all of this affect your life if you ended up posting a doomsday message and the world in fact did not end on the next day.

And the most important in this series of questions - would you give a rat's ass if the world actually came to an end at an arbit point of time tomorrow? Knowing that you are not going to leave behind any loved ones, or that all your dreams and hopes are going to vanish along with you. And that you wont be leaving behind any unfinished business, cause the business itself no longer exists.
Finally...How can anyone have feeling about an event that you can never foresee coming and after it has occurred you no longer exist.Would the event make a difference in your life, in the way that you think, in any decision that you make?
Think about it......

As for me I honestly don't know.

But all I will say is one thing, if the world has to come to an end tomorrow, all I would ask is that it happens before my IT in Business quiz.

As for last words (if the world were to collapse on itself), I will go with Karl Marx on this one -"Last words are for those who haven't said enough in a lifetime".

Ciao.

Dont Panic!!!!!

The Futility of Rankings

2008-09-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

We as a race are generally obsessed with lists and orders (I am sure all of you remember the Mercedes advertisement) and even more obsessed with comparisons. The fact is proven by the no. of blogs and sites on the net devoted entirely to lists and the fact that we come out with rankings for everything and anything under the sun, whether it be colleges, movies, travel destinations, in fact I think you will find that if you can name an object, someone somewhere has been kind enough (or jobless enough) to come up with a ranking system for it. Now, if you ask me rankings are, for a lack of more articulate terminology, a load of crap. And possibly the most futile activity on this planet (well okay maybe sessions of the Indian parliament are a little more futile).

Now for a little background on why I have decided to spend my precious time on talking about a futile activity. About a couple of months ago my alma mater Vellore Institute of Technology (VIT) was ranked no. 10 in India by India Today. This caused one hyper active dude from IIIT- Hyderabad to rant and rave about what a crap hole VIT is and how the world should be engulfed in a giant ball of flame just because somehow VIT was ranked better than IIIT-H (maybe he didnt say those exact words, but I can paraphrase right). Now my 1st reaction was, dude get a life and secondly why do you care so much. And then I realised that he cares because unfortunately the rest of our ranking obsessed nation does. And I realised this when all my friends were somehow aghast by Mr.IIIT's rant and responded in kind. And then when a short while back Outlook came up with it's ranking (VIT placed 5th in list of Private colleges) a friend of mine, Baldy (check out the YDNTN's various blog) did a brilliant comparison between IIIT-H and VIT (my quant prof would have been proud of u Baldy) to basically try and refute the IIITian. And you understand where these guys are comin from, because they feel that the reputation of our Alma mater is at stake. However observe carefully the method of rankings and think aout it and you realise how deeply flawed the whole system is. For instance the entire ranking system is a cyclic process, consider a college ranked no.1 in the country, it attracts the best students, students who add to its intellectual capital (one of the categories commonly used for ranking colleges ). Which means that the college ranked higher will always have a higher quality intake and a college with higher quality intake will have a higher rank. The same goes for placements as well, college with higher ranks have better placements leading to stronger alumni which means better placements which means a better rank. Same goes even in the business world, a brand ranked as the most powerful in the world will obviously increase its brand power and the ranking will only make it more secure. Simply put rankings beget better rankings and once the cycle is formed it's almost impossible to break. And the best example would be the college rankings in India, anyone want to bet against the IIT's and IIM's being atop rankings 20 years from now, I wouldn't. And another thing about rankings is that its all about perception, what appears better is ranked better and so natural progression leads people to think that its better. And I have no better example than the 2 colleges I belong to, VIT and SP Jain. SP, I think is amongst the best B-Schools in the country, I didnt think so before coming here but now I do, I dont think they should be in the so called second rung below the IIM's, in fact I dont think the IIM's are a rung above,because the way we do things here is so different from the IIM's that there is no comparison between them. And I think this holds true for all good colleges, because the best do things differently and it is not possible to compare them. And then there is VIT a place which has supposedly broken into the top rankings, why because they have great buildings, a great infrastructure and above all else excellent PR. But I for one honestly believe that a good college should be much more (sorry to Baldy and the guys, I know you wont agree with me). And ultimately a ranking system is just that a slap in the face of originality and a an advocate of conformism, because it force us to align with a percieved view of what is good and what is not.

And whats really messed up about this whole system is that the ranking clouds judgement often preventing us from looking into the truth. I was just reading yesterday that Jet Airways is India's most powerful brand, one of only 2 brands to have gotten a AA+ rating from the Economic Times brand finance study. Now here are a few points to note about Jet Airways:

1) Known for its lack of punctuality. (Ask any frequent flier)

2) Not great in service either.

3) Its one of the only companies in the stock market, which neither appreciates in value and neither do they give dividend to shareholders.

And they are India's most powerful brand.

Quite how and why that happened I dont know. And once again you only look at the reverance people attach to colleges in India, again i have to give the example of IIT's and IIM's (this is not an anti IIT/IIM piece) where people aim for a specific college without even being concerned about the actual kind of education that they really want. The no. of people who have buried their creativity, desire and dreams all to study in the best college in the country is endless. Rankings began as a system to help people without access to information. Today they have began an endless nuisance which is often biased and does nothing but confound our brain. And they are now completely redundant given that most information we need to make an individual assesment is readily available anyway. Unfortunately we being the practitioners of herd mentality would rather follow the crowd rather than trust our own judgement and research.

Finally I'll close this post by quoting TV Journalist Bill Maher, who said "Saying that Iam no.1...in the world is like saying that my wife is the best wife in the whole world. Which is so idiotic, because all that matters is that my wife should be the best for me" . Couldn't have described it better, myself. So next time you want to make a decision look for the facts and do your own research.

It's been a good Weekend...

2008-08-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

First of all a little fact about life at SP, we consider our weekends to be Wednesday night and Thursday (Thur is the only day off for us), but since the rest of the world still considers Saturday and Sunday as weekends, for their convenience I'll refer to them as such.

And this has been a good, wait scratch that out, excellent weekend.

To start of with, Man Utd got their rear ends handed to them on Friday night by Zenit St.Petersburg in the UEFA super cup. Which also proved what I told all those annoying Man U fans, who happened to be my roomates a year back, that without Cristiano Ronaldo, Man Utd is like the Apple portfolio without the iPod, big name with a lot of stature but absolutely no substance (I have reserved my judgement for the iPhone for later).

And then we had a quiz on ITB (IT in Business) on Saturday, which I managed to survive with absolutely no preparation. After that I was able to watch Arsenal return to their old self against Newcastle with a fab performance (it was like watching poetry in motion).

And then today I had an Operations Management mid-term which I yet again survived. And I also came to a very important realisation. The fundamental difference between a B-School and Engg is that the performance in a test is not directly related to the amount you study. Which suits me just fine!!!! I almost wanted to scream out "Im Lovin it!!!" after the test, but then realised best not to anger the almighty test Gods, who haven't been particularly kind to me this trimester. The icing(s) on the cake came when, Chelsea and Liverpool both drew, and just on a side note, Liverpool have now officially become the most boring football team on the planet. And those good for nothing snobs, AC Milan also got what they deserved, losing their first match of the season (no team has ever done well after stealing players from Arsenal).

Well now I'm off trying to study for my FSA (Financial Statement Analysis) Mid term tomorrow. Hopefully my good weekend will spill over to the week also.

Random Thought for the Day: "Fast, Cheap, and Good... pick two. If it's fast and cheap, it won't be good. If it's cheap and good, it won't be fast. If it's fast and good, it won't be cheap." Fast, cheap and good... pick two words to live by. - Tom Waits

Cheers.

Arsenal and SP Rock

I had to Go away to Come Back.....

2008-08-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

Well I am back! After a self imposed 3 month blogospheric exile, which was partially due to the fact that I had nothing to say and partially due to the fact that I was still adjusting to life in a B-School. But it took a really eventful trip, to a wonderful place to finally bring me back to my blog. The place we went to is this amazing but little known place called Anandwan.

Anandwan for those who don't know about is a small community, situated at a few hours drive from Nagpur. It was started around 1951 by Baba Amte as a refuge for lepers and other sections of the society who were treated by outcastes by the rest of the society. Today Anandwan spreads over 200 acres and houses 3500 people all of whom have been rejected by our so called 'normal' society. Yet these people run a self sufficient, self sustained community which is as good as an example of innovation and management that I have seen in a long while. The people at Anandwan have turned the barren land in the middle of nowhere into a fertile, well irrigated area which significantly outperforms the rest of the region in terms of agricultural productivity. Their industry is not limited to agriculture alone, they also have workshops where they manufacture all the various tools and implements that they need, include wheelchairs for lepers, which have come into high demand across the country. They also produce exquisite handicrafts, garments, beds, artistic wall hangings, greeting cards and much much more. In fact anything and everything needed in the colony (except salt and oil) is self generated. And you will be immediately struck by the serenity of the environment, and the greenery and cleanliness. And I was amazed by the amount of technical creativity that you could find in this place. One example was a dam used for water irrigation which was constructed by using discarded rubber tyres and reinforced by using waste plastic. They manufacture solid damage proof houses without any steel or timber and make slippers out of rubber tyres.

But what makes this place really amazing is the dedication of the people out there.We met a few members of the Late Baba Amte's family, who have dedicated their lives to their father's ideal and have even taken his cause further. Dr Vikas Amte, Baba Amte's son and now the head of the organization, is currently working in a small town of Yewatmal (an isolated forest area), looking for solutions to the problems of farmer suicides plaguing the area, through irrigation and rain water harvesting, with a team of only 100 men. The group of Anandwan have even extended their activities to nearby tribal areas to improve the poor living conditions there.

So why am I writing about all of this? It's because amongst all the amazing things that came out of Anandwan, what was also glaring was the fact that this incredible place is still mired in anonymity. And the fact is that the stigma associated with leprosy has ensured that these people who were treated as outcastes in 1951 are still treated the same. And worse still, in a nation where we are so quick to applaud and hail the so called miracle workers, we still have not begin to recognise the true workers, like the people at Anandwan. The politicians, the media, the corporates, everybody stays miles away from this place. And consider the fact that this is a place which has received international acclaim and awards, with several documentaries and business studies being done on it and it has been so grossly overlooked by our countrymen. The very fact that no one (myself included) I knew, had even heard of this place, shows how fickle minded a nation we truly are. So I come back to the point, why this post? I don't want to be over-dramatic and say that this place has inspired me to devote my life to social service, I don't know if I will ever have the courage for that. But I can at least do this one simple thing, spread the word about this place. At least let people know that in this insane, competitive world, we have a place ruled by humanity and compassion. So for all those who read this, please do me a favor, tell someone about this place, anyone, your friend, your neighbor, your family, whoever is the nearest to you. If you don't want to, direct them to this post. But tell them. This is an extraordinary place, which has been forsaken by our leaders, ignored by our media and abandoned by our society. At least lets give them the recognition they deserve. Who knows you might just lead the next bright social activist towards a great cause?

"If everyone cared and nobody cried,

If everyone loved and nobody lied

If everyone shared and swallowed their pride

Then we'd see the day when nobody died" - Nickelback

Random Thoughts-1

2008-05-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

It took me 3 trips to Landmark and 7 hours, but I finally finished Chetan Bhagats -"The 3 Mistakes of My life". And well truth be told it wasn't that bad a book. A neat package of religion, politics and cricket, Mr Bhagat sure knows what sells in India doesn't he, mixed together with his usual collection of youthful drama. One good thing i will say about Bhagat is that his characters have tended to become more mature with each book. Though his books could use a little more realism ( for instance why would the Australian government offer citizenship to a 13 yr old school boy, just because he might be a cricketing prodigy and as if Australian citizenship can be so easily given away). And finally for a book so attached to cricket, Chetan Bhagat shows a remarkable lack of knowledge about the game and has even got his facts wrong on a couple of occasions. Nonetheless I would say a timepass book (but then I did read it for free).

Sticking to cricket, the Super Kings (my fave team) have made it to the IPL semis at Mumbai Indians' expense.A terrific achievement considering that no team was hit as badly as Chennai by the mid series departure of the Aussies and Kiwis, and that a large portion of their success is due to the local talent in the team. Well all in all I would say its a fair result, the 4 most consistent teams made it to the Semis. As far as the Indians go, there is only word to describe them, Chokers, they have lost their last 3 matches in the final over of the game, twice due to sloppy fileding and bowling. All in all Lalit Modi and co must be delighted with the 1st edition of the IPL so far, its been closer than anyone could have asked for. Lets hope the Semis and Finals don't dissapoint.

In other happenings, I've started reading this book called "The 10 most Beautiful Experiments", a really good book so far, especially for science lovers, a lovely tribute to the ingeniuty of scientists. Hopefully I'll be able to finish it in couple of more trips to Landmark.

Lastly, I heard the 2 new songs of Coldplay's lates album, "Violet Hill" and "Viva La Vida", and I cant wait for the full album to come out."Violet Hill" is probably one of Coldplay's best ever songs, and the the album seems to have a completely different sound to the typical Coldplay stuff.

Random Thought for the Day - "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. "

A Slap and a Slip..Not Great Sports But Lots of Entertainment

2008-05-22T03:27:00.001-07:00

I saw the UEFAChampions League final last night, and the entire game could could have probably been summed up by the weather, started of bright enough but ended up becoming a damp squib,atleast in the footballing sense. But even though the match didn't make for the most classic of football matches it sure made for one hell of a TV Drama.

First of all to begin with, Roman Abramovich couldn't have asked for a venue to see his greatest dream come to fruition, to see his team win the greatest prize in European Football on his home turf must have been the ultimate dream. Then as the game began Cristiano Ronaldo was determined to prove his worth and boy did he do just that. Then came Frank Lampard's turn to add the masala to this game, a man who scored of the spot, days after his mother's death to get Chelsea here, got them the precious equalizer. From this point on it was more about dramatic little moments than the continous flowing good football. Chelsea who probably were lucky to go into half time level were probably unlucky to have not won the match outright. So onto extra time and the football got no better but the drama got more intense. John Terry, who only 2 weeks back was stretchered of the field with a broken arm, made one of the great saves of the day to keep Chelsea in the game. And then it really got fun..Didier Drogba goes and pulls of a combo of Zidane and Harbajan Singh..imagine this could very well be the last act Drogba pulls for Chelsea ( considering that he could have atleast smacked Ronaldo, he has one coming). So on to the finale and the man who put the ball in the back of the net 42 times from often incredible positions couldnt put it in from 6 yards out. You would think that was drama enough, but then John Terry goes from hero to villain in 30 minutes (kinda like those soaps) and his slip up (literally) cost Chelsea the champions league. And for the last act of this gripping drama it came down to two men, Ryan Giggs,who has played at the same Club for 16 years and Nicolas Anelka who has hardly spent more than a year at the same club. And ina fitting finale, it was the veteran who became Man Utd's highest capped player ever in this match, who scored what would be the winning penalty, and Roman Abramovich watched 13 million pounds go down the drain as Anelka condemned his team to fate aptly described by his nickname, The Sulk.

On the whole given that Man Utd had a tougher group and knockout fixtures, I hate to admit it, but they did deserve the trophy.

On a different note as an incredible season of European football come to an end, I cant help but say that this has been possibly the best season of football I have witnessed. For the first time 4 leagues in Europe (England, Italy, France and Scotland) all were decided in the last game of the season, and we had one of the best Champions league competitions in quite a while, an utter unknown Zenit St. Petersburg, picked up the UEFA cup, thrashing the mighty Bayern Munich along the way. Add to that Milan didn't make it to next years Champions League, Valencia had to stave of relegation and of course who could forget England being knocked out of the Euro qualifiers. But my favorite tournament of the year had to be the FA cup, the oldest tournament in the world provided the most drama of any competition across Europe, consider the likes of Havnt and Waterlooville a team which doesn't even play in a professional league, taking on Liverpool at Anfield and taking the lead not once but twice, Barnsley knocking out Liverpool and Chelsea, and Portsmouth who knocked out Man Utd, going on to become the first team out of the Big 4 to win the competition in 13 years.

What a season of football, with the European Championships just around the corner, it's still not over, and in the spirit of football, I will be rooting for Switzerland or Croatia to pull of a big upset and lift the championship.

Immigrant Song

2008-05-13T20:25:00.001-07:00

Sorry to disappoint any rock fans (who might have picked up on the reference) but this post is not about the classic Led Zep song, rather it is about the tune most politicians seem to be whistling nowadays. Illegal immigration has become the mantra of any politician who wants to create a stir. Just a couple of weeks back the Italian Prime Minister during his campaign speech, promised to rid his country of the "Army of Evil" that is the illegal immigrant population of Italy, strong words coming from a man who is famous for his Mafia ties and whose football club was docked points for match fixing. Immigration is one of the hottest issues in the US presidential elections, particularly with the Republicans. Closer to home, who can forget Raj Thackeray's outbursts against immigrants from within his own country. Basically it seems that the easiest way to stir up the voters is by telling that there are evil men who come from lands unknown and take away their food, money and jobs and are responsible for all the crimes committed against them. And somehow it seems to work, look at the actions of the people in Mumbai, they actually had to name their IPL team the Indians as a response in solidarity, almost as if the feeling of being an Indian was being lost, or consider the fact that t 1 in 8 Italians fear immigrants ( a number which was 1 in 20 less than 5 years ago) , and McCain's popularity with the Republicans soared when he supported strong anti-immigration measures. Why is that all of a sudden there is this outrage against immigrants ?
Now consider the facts , the largest crime syndicate in Italy is the Mafia, which of course does not comprise of immigrants ( another interesting bit of info - southern Italy which is dominated by the Mafia is the most economically backward section of Italy) , the American economy is in the crapper because of a useless war and a housing bubble, neither had anything to do with immigrants and as far as Mumbai is concerned, the city would be nothing if not for the immigrant population, for instance what would have happened if the Ambanis had been denied entry into Maharashtra. The fact also is that these immigrants do the most menial jobs which the local population of any place would never touch. I mean think of it, these people wash toilets, clean houses, sit on roadside stalls in the middle of summer for a meagre living and yet it is these luxuries which politicians want to take away. I guess people just find it easy to blame someone else for their problems, especially if that someone happens to be completely different from them.
And somehow I don't understand the outrage against immigration. Think about it, if I was born in Bombay, Bangalore or New York and not some war torn part of Croatia, an African Desert or a village in Bihar, then its just my good fortune. I have absolutely no right to deny anyone else the same opportunity that I've had. Most immigrants are people who leave hopeless old lives behind, just to be able to survive, I mean nobody wants to leave their home for the heck of it.
Also anti-immigration is just pure selfishness, basically we don't want to share what we have, for instance the Americans use 25% of world resources for 4% of its population and yet they are concerned about immigrants, I mean given the amount of resources they use, they should probably accommodate more people. Also most local population were immigrants at some point of time, the oldest Americans themselves are illegal immigrants.
In an ideal world everybody would be born equal, with the same opportunities available to all, but that isn't the case. The oppprtunities you have depend a lot on the circumstances you were born into, and I guess everybody has the right to seek opportunity wherever it lies and just because we have doesn't mean we can deny it to others. And again most places are better of for immigrants , take the Mughals for instance, what would Indian culture, art and literature have been without them, or the impact which the Irish and Italians have had on USA. Eventually I hope people realise that migration and immigration are what make the world tick. I would end with a quote from the song which gave this post its title -
"So now you'd better stop and rebuild your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite all your losing. " - Led Zeppelin, Immigrant Song

Creative Writing 101

2008-04-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

I dont think much of myself as a writer, atleast not in the creative sense, but I find that creative writing is one of the most amazing talents a person can have. So for the benefit of all the budding creative writers in the world (atleast the ones reading this) I'll put up this piece that I came across on the web (Stumbling Upon it as usual). In this ,Kurt Vonnegut, one of the greatest writers of the 20th Century, gives his take on creative writing, in the form of 8 basic rule of creative writing, which he calls Creative Writing 101, apart from being informative, it's a really good read also :

The 8 basics of Creative Writing, according to Kurt Vonnegut

1)Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2)Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3)Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4)Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.

5)Start as close to the end as possible.

6)Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7)Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8)Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

My Mind Boggling Adventure

2008-04-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

As, the delirium and euphoria of getting into SP Jain just begins to wear out and the fear and paranoia, of how I am going to survive a B-School after 4 years of utter lethargy in VIT during my B.Tech, begins to creep in, I have decided to take a look back at the last 10 months of my life, spent trying to capture the holy grail -admission into a good B-School, which have perhaps been the most harrowing days of my life. Worse than the years before my 10th Board exam when everyone kept telling me how the 1st big exam would shape my life for eternity and beyond, worse than 12th when all I would hear was - " Work hard for few months and the rest of your life will be easy", ya that was one whole load of crap. It was especially harder because after coasting through a B.Tech degree for 3 years, I had to face the unfamiliar task of working hard again (now I know why B-Schools prefer work-ex guys). So here are the basic phases of my MBA (Mind Boggling Adventure), others who have gone through this might be able to associate with it:
Phase I- Starting Line - Utter bewilderment and confusion
This phase involves the whole pre-preparation thing, finding out about the whole B-School process, the myriads of tests, the colleges, the coaching institutes, the test series' and all the other crap that there is. To top it of you find bozos in your college who have been preparing for the past 2 years and all of a sudden your scared out of your wits, wondering whether it isn't already too late. And your TIME and IMS and the ilk dont help either, I mean who the hell starts a 2 year prep course for CAT. Eventually you find a path through the confusion, and decide what need to be done, only to discover the hard part is yet to come.

Phase II - The Marathon or the Sprint (Depending on the path you choose)
This is where all the hard work really kicks in, whether you choose to work for 6 months or 2 years this is the slog fest. And for me it meant weekly shunts from college to home for weekend classes (I couldn't get a crash course in Vellore), 8 hour classes and a rapid succession of practice tests (each one more detrimental to your confidence than the previous). This phase also involves encountering the barrage of applications which you need to fill in order to even write the test. I mean would it kill the B-Schools of this country to subscribe to just one test. Add to that the fact that you have to buy a form for every god damned college means a seriously heavy work load and a significantly lighter pocket. All in all a serious work out prepping you for the big push. Adding spice to this whole scenario, is the whole competitive thing, who's working how hard, and hows the competition like in your vicinity. Again, there are some people who will scare the wits out of you with their hard work, I mean were people like these just put on Planet Earth to make life scarier for the normal people!

Phase III- The Obstacle Course
Well this is crunch time part 1, which decides if you stay in the game or not. This is where you have to go through your various obstacles called, CAT, XAT, SNAP, FMS and any other abbreviation you can find ( pick any 3 or 4 letter abbreviation, the odds are there will be some test in India of that name). And of course as usual we have people trying to complicate things further, strategy, final prep tips, how many pencils to carry to the exam, what breakfast you have on the exam day, to pee before the exam starts, were all things people (mostly belonging to the coaching instis) felt were paramount to your success and the difference between life death (in the B-School Race). I would like to believe that a guy who's going to be earning 10-15 lakhs in2 years time (if all goes well) would know that he needs a extra pencil or two, without somebody having to tell him that. And some how if you manage to keep your head and give a decent shot at the exam, you are obliged to go through those answer keys which come out immediately after the exam, and again no 2 answer keys are ever the same are they. Again its my understanding that if you are taking 20000 from a student you at least make sure you give him a correct answer key. And the worst part is if you fall in one of those neither here nor there categories i.e haven't done phenom ally well, and not bad enough to be completely out of the running, then you begin to sweat it out, desperately waiting for the results, hoping that a particular answer key (the one which gave you a higher score) is right while the others be damned. All in all you are the left to wait doing nothing, and just hoping that your performance in one test doesn't affect the others (like it did to me).This is perhaps the only time i would agree with Morgan Freeman in Shawshank redemption -"Hope can be a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane".

Phase IV- Hurdles
So, if all things go well and you are able to survive all the crap that come before and by some good fortune you are able to get a few good calls, then its time to sit through the hell of GD/PI, not that the experience is in itself that bad (except when you have a 70 yr dude telling you that the you that youngsters like me listening to Rock and Roll are ruining this country's cultural heritage),but its the whole aspect of your future depending on a 15 minute chat with a bunch of men looking to kick your ass (figuratively speaking). And the thing is that unlike a test you never know here you stand (makes you wish they had answer keys for GD/PI too). And it becomes that much worse when you get one reject while preparing for another interview ( I got a SIBM reject before my MDI and IMT interviews), it totally messes with your confidence, its like trying to jump a hurdle and hitting your foot the way down, you're never sure how you will fare with the remaining hurdles. And the sheer volume of thoughts flying through your brain after an interview, about how it went, what went right, what went wrong, where you screwed up, what you could have said, what you should not have said , can drive you absolutely crazy. And then there is the waiting, the damn waiting, keeping your fingers crossed, hoping, praying, checking the net every single day, its absolutely excruciating. But eventually the waiting, the praying, is all worth it when you get an acceptance into a great college, its worth the trouble, its the ultimate prize for surviving this difficult journey. And for some of you who are still fighting on, not having reached their dream, I'll quote form Shawshank Redemption again -"Remember .., hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things".

So why are we put through this hell, I guess it is because its the single toughest course in maturity, learning the hard way, boys to men, call it whatever you will, its the only thing which prepares you for the actual challenge, the really tough adventure, life in a business world which, I'm looking for to with dread and anticipation.
So don't you think the story above justifies the title-mind boggling, and the really scary part is that the ride is just starting!!!

As Funny as the English Language - 2

2008-04-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Now, being a multilingual chap, I know the experience of Lost in Translation, where one thing in one language can mean something absolutely absurd in another, especially when translated literally into English, so I was rolling over in laughter when I came across this list of English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong.Its absolutely hilarious:

1) Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
2) I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
3) I will surround their house by myself.
4) I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
5) Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
6) Gun wounds again?
7) A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
8) I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
9) Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
10) You daring lousy guy.
11) Beat him out of recognizable shape!
12) I have been scared silly too much lately.
13) The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
14) The Americans will not save you for Christmas.
15) Both of you will die when the sun hits the bell.
16) You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
17) I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
18) Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

J.K Rowling ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hain?

2008-04-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

So, whats bothering everybody's favorite fantasy author nowadays. A lot apparently, or atleast enough to cause her to breakdown and cry in a courtroom. The case in concern is Ms Rowling and Warner Bros lawsuit against RPR publishers, who are attempting to print a book version of the Lexicon, an online collection of the whats what of Harry Potter, maintained by Stephen Vander Ark, a devoted Harry Potter fan ( Definition of "Devoted HP Fan"- 50 yr old loser who gave up his previous obsession with Star Wars for HP). Now, the official claim of the lawsuit is that this book or encyclopedia (though I always thought encycolpedia's were supposed to contain useful information) will hamper Mrs. Rowling's ability to write and publish such a book of her own. Adding drama (the useless kind, like the whole Ron-Hermione crap in HP) to this case, is the fact that both Mrs.Rowling and Mr. Vander Ark, broke down on the stand, Mrs.Rowling claims that this work is a theft of her life's work and its like looking at her own children blah blah blah... and Mr. Vander Ark claims that he is doing this out of his love for the books and profit was not his motive, ya right! So even though Mrs. Rowling is, in the strictest legal sense, probably right, I still find the lawsuit bemusing for a number of reasons:

1) I do remember Rowling herself once saying that she was agianst the idea of publishing a HP encyclopedia, and even if she does there will still be a lot of "Devoted Fans" (see definition above) who will stand in the queue for hours to buy it. My guess is Vander Ark himself might buy the 1st copy. And yes, if it is any good, we Indians will continue to buy em in the pirated market for 5o bucks.
2) Also as far as the quality of this Lexicon goes, Vander Ark's website is amongst the most popular of HP fan websites, infact Rowling herself has expressed admiration for it before. So the question needs to be asked- is thie quality ok as long as it is online and promoting HP sales and it all of sudden becomes crap when its on paper?
3) As far as any financial losses areconcerned, isn't Rowling stinking rich already ( I'm guessing the world will be destroyed by global warming before Rowling and her progeny are done spending her HP income), and again isn't the lawsuit itself costing money, I dont think Rowling's lawyers would come cheap. And honestly isn't the whole point of being rich that you dont need to bother about minor losses, which is all that this book will be.
4) Aso given the slew of lawsuits that shes been through, does Rowling reall need another one?

So I return to the original point, what is so damned important about this lexicon, to Rowling, to spend all this money and time ( to personally testify at the trial). If you ask me, the answer is plain and simple - frustration. Yes, I think Mrs.Rowling has had it with all the crap that the book has endured through, I mean the endless slew of crappy fan fiction ( a lot of which involved the characters doing unmentionable things to each other) before the 7th book itself is enough to drive any author crazy, not to mention the pathetic movie versions which Warner Bros comes out ( of course she can't sue them cause most of her money was given to her by them). And then there are people coming up with fake books, rip offs and what else, just to make a quizk buck. Not too mention people in India, China and other countries, who build bookshelf of pirated HP books ( all those in India reading this know what Im talking about). So finally, Mrs. Rowling found someone to target and vent out her frustration (which she did on the stand). But, I do have to question her judgement, I mean seriously, is suing your devoted fan the best way to prove your point, cause after all the initial euphoria dies down it's these guys who eventually drive your business and make you the money to finance your whimsical lawsuits.
Whatever happens I cant help but thinking, this would make a great Boston Legal episode!!

Baywatch better for Kids than Cartoons?

2008-04-18T02:19:00.000-07:00

No matter how absurd that tagline sounds..it is true; atleast according to the Venezualan Government. Recently in Venezuala, the Broadcast ministry removed the Simpsons from the air during the peak hours of kids viewing, because it was believed to be detrimental to kids, and replaced it with,u guessed it: Baywatch Hawai. Yes, that same show which was so succintly summarised in Friends as : a bunch of girls in bikinis running (and for the unitiated, Baywatch Hawai has more girls, with skimpier bikinis), is believed to imbue better family values and foster the edcation of Venezualan youth.
Now, on the surface this looks like a ridiculous ruling, and yet another example of a govt cock up. But look closely and you will realise that is nothing more than Govt propoganda, because there is no other logical reasoning for it otherwise. Simpson is in terms of visual content not at all detriment to kids, and again being a cartoon is taken less seriously than Baywatch. Now I'm not being conservative and actually saying baywatch is bad for kids, just that it is no better than simpson, maybe slightly worse. The real reason why this happened, according too me, is that the Simpsons has a history of political commentary through its shows , and it is often aimed at dictatorial communist regimes, such as those of Venezuala, and thus it was banned to prevent the youth of Venezuala from learning about democracy, free speech and other such privileges. Infact the official reason given was -"that the show sends messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents." What education might that be? Anti-capitalist propaganda perhaps. Infact the show is now threatened in Argentina because in one episode Juan Peron is called a dictator. Ay caramba!
All this goes to show is how lucky we Indians are to live in a country which still has a free media, I was recently involved in a debate where the guy said Indian media is biased and controlled by politicians, I wish I could show this to him and show what really a controlled and biased media and I would also probably add- "Eat my shorts!!".

Passion for Books:reKindled or Extinguished

2008-04-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

It was around 3 months back that I saw the article announcing Amazon's Kindle in Newsweek, and it has taken a surprisingly short time for this new technological revolution to hit India. For thse unaware of the Kindle, it is, to simplify things, an iPod for books. It is a pocket book reader launched by Amazon. This idea has been tried before by other big names before (even Sony tried it) and they all failed, some more miserably than others. But Kindle tries to offer what none of them did before, a more authentic reading experience for the book lover, it's got a new technology which mimics the appearance of a book on the screen. In addition it's got other features which a book can not offer, for instance people with poor eyesight can actually adjust the font size of the text, and you can store several thousand books on a single device, which means no more overflowing bookshelves ( a problem I have personally dealt with). Also it makes finding and buying books much more easier, particularly getting hold of very old or rare books.
Thus it has given rise to several Nostradames' of print who have claimed that this is the end of the paperback as we know it? Is it?
I dont think so, 1st of all practically speaking, there are several cost issues, particularly in India. I somehow cant see people spending 10k on a book reading device when most people dont buy 10k worth books in their entire lifetime. Also buying books will become far more expensive, simpler but expensive, because we'll have to purchase books directly from Amazon or some other website, which is a huge jump in expenses considering most Indians do their book shopping in second-hand and roadside book shops.
On a more aesthetic level, half the fun in books comes with sitting in a book store for hours together and going through a dozen books to pick one. Somehow I cant see that happening while browsing through Amazon and getting everything I need to find by clicking on 'related links'. Also how authentic the reading experienced promised by the Kindle will be, only time will tell. Also it wouldn't be very prudent to give our generation with very low attention spans a device with a thousand books on it, I am sure most of them wont finish the more than a 50 pages of each book before moving on to the next.
Personally though, I wouldn't mind having a kindle, I mean think of th potential-if I am on the road(which is where I find myself most of the time these days) I will never get bored also while reading a book before going to bed, I can pick one which most suits my mood.
Neverthless, I am not holidng my breath for the Kindle, neither will be any hurry to get my hands on it. For now I am happy with paperbacks, my college library and the bookstore round the corner of my house, which give me all the reading pleasure I need.

A 'Champions League of Cricket'

2008-04-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

Well, just saw on the news today that the English cricket Board is planning to Launch its own version of a T20 league called the 'English Premier League' (the English are'nt the most imaginative people are they). So that means we now have 3 professional leagues popping up in the matter of a year. And there could be more- the Aussie board is now threatened with the possibility of players retiring early to take up the IPL, who knows they may launch their own league.
So what does this all mean for Cricket, I guess cricket is going to get richer, possibily more exciting, and definetly more competitive with countries not just competing for laurels and trophies but also for the prize of most exciting league and bigger share of the ever growing cricketing pie. It might also mean that Test Cricket might lose its charm ( particulary if we have drab series like India -SA) , and even ODI cricket will be threatened. The purists will continue to cry and claim the decline in technical standards (some idiots still claim that cricket is a Gentleman's Game), but the viewers will definetly get a more fun version of cricket. After all as Harsha Bhogle said- "The purpose is to get the ball to the boundary, how it gets there does not matter" and boundaries and sixes will be always be there with T20. And there is a possibility that the new form of cricket will attract more teams towards cricket (that however does involve the possibility of the Americans getting involved,how irritating that would be).
But the most exciting possibilty is that of a "Cricket Champions League", akin to the UEFA Champions League in european football, you could have the winners of individual leagues taking on each other. Who knows maybe cricket could get more professional and move in the football direction with clubs taking precedence over country. Whatever happens Cricket is going to change dramatically over the next few years and to think it all happened because Subash Chandra and Zee got pissed off for losing the TV rights for Indian Cricket.

To Stumble or not to Stumble, that is the question?

2008-04-10T02:27:00.000-07:00

A few months back a friend of mine told me about this thing called Stumble and according to me this is possibly the best tool possible for all net junkies.
I am sure a lot of you would have already tried it but for those haven't this is how stumble works...you download the stumble toolbar and create your profile filling in your interests. You can then use the tool bar to randomly surf through the net based only on your interests..basically the toolbar shows you random web pages based on your interests..its got a host of other options..you can even generate ramdom you tube videos...
I am posting this cause i found stumble amazingly fun and its not half as invasive or annoying as social networking sites aka orkut,facebook...
The only drawback is that its damn addictive..i've spent hours at a time stumbling away...so if you've got time to waste..this is the most fun way to do it..
Here's the link...
http://www.stumbleupon.com/

As funny as the English Language

2008-04-10T01:43:00.000-07:00

The English Language can be an exasperating thing, irritating and often difficult to grasp for a beginner (or some of the faculty at my college atleast). However, it's also the most entertaining if viewed in the right sense. So I am going to start a new section on this blog where I will post interesting and funny tidbits from the English language that I can find.

This is the 1st one..found it on a nice site...its a list of funny metaphors used by kids in Australia...
1)Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2)She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef.
3) She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
4)He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
5)The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
6) He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
7) McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
8) Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
9) The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.
10) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
11) He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
12) She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
13) She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
14) It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
15) Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
16) The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
17) The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
18) "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted; her breasts heaving like a university student on $1-a-beer night.
19) He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
20) The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
21) Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
22) From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Post Numero Uno

2008-04-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I'll begin my blogging escapades with football..more specifically Arsenal (you should have seen this coming when you saw the title).

Arsenal fans' are one of the most rarest things in sport...I mean who in their right mind would support the Gunners,its a team without superstars- a team which in fact refuses to buy
superstars, a team which very frequently crosses the boundaries between the sublime and the dismal and very often leaves its fans infuriated (kinda like the Indian Cricket Team). So its no surprise that over the past few years, Arsenal fans have begun deserting their team. So, the question being why do I support Arsenal, infact a lot of people would find it easy to support other teams like Man Utd with their Portugese Paladin or Chelsea and their bags of Russian money or the Champions League experts Liverpool. The answer to put it simply in one word - football.

Yes, Football, the sport which amidst all the championships, the trophies, the transfers, the board room power games, we all seem to forget.The sport who's single greatest exponents on the planet are a bunch of 20 something year olds with a French Manager playing in North London.
For the football lover nothing is better than watching Arsenal on a good day, their intricate playing style is arguably the most exciting thing in football today.Now a lot of people might disagree with that statement, particularly fans of Man Utd,who have scored more goals and have been flying this year. And while that might be true the fact is Arsenal have played their brand of football year in year out, in their most succesful and their most barren years, they still play the same way. And that is what you love about Arsenal's football culture, it's unfettered by results, independant of personnel and has grown to become the hallmark of the team. And all this is down to one man, Arsene Wenger , their inspirational manager, who has transformed this once puritan english club into the most energetic brand in modern football. A man who has come into severe criticism for his transfer policy and what is often see as a stubborn selection policy, but would I give up Arsenal's brand of football for a boring collection of superstars ala Chelsea, or for Liverpool who bore opponents to death and win the UCL- not a chance in hell.

And eventually come to think of it football or sport for that matter is all about entertainment, I mean the Ronaldo's and Ronaldinho's of the world wouldnt make their big bucks if not for the entertainment value of sport, so why not support good football rather than trophies or cups. After all if winning trophies was all that mattered then Ricky Ponting would be placed above Sachin Tendulkar, now that would be a travesty. And finally as a last testament to Arsenal's footballing magic, consider this - on Tuesday at Anfield the mere presence of Arsenal, caused Liverpool, the most boring team on the Planet (when it comes to the UCL) to be involved in one of the most exciting matches of the season.

Go Gunners. (My next football post after the Arsenal - Man Utd match on sunday)