My Top 5 - II: 5 Reasons why the 2009 Elections are Annoying

Elections are generally annoying, whether they be Indian, American, French, even elections for ridiculous posts in college student bodies are annoying. But this year the Indian election has been horrible, its been more excruciating than hearing Arun Lal talk during the IPL, it has been more painful than supporting a team with Adebayor and Abou Diaby playing for it, in fact sitting in Coorg suffering from acute water shortage,every morning I woke up I don't know what I was dreading more, the possible absence of  water to conduct one's usual business or opening the paper only to find it filled with more hate mongering has beens and shoe throwing screwballs. But there were some reasons which super ceded all others:

1. The Conscientious citizens of India discovered their voice (and I found that I hate it)

I am sick and tired of all those do gooders high on tea leaves telling me to go and vote, constantly reminding me that the state of Karnataka failed to recognize my existence, and that given that I don't stay in my home town for than a few months every year, I might never get a chance to vote in the near future, which means that I will never be able to join the cool club( didn't you hear that voting is the in thing now). But I am more annoyed cause none of these do gooders actually targeted the right issue - why is it so god damned hard to get a voters id in this country?

And one more thing, is it just me or is there too much of Aamir Khan on TV. I am so confused when i see him, I dont know if I should vote, get a Tata sky or drink coke (given that I have Dish TV, just drank Pepsi and didn't vote, I have struck out on all counts I guess). 

2. Will the real Minority please stand up?

Everybody seems to be queuing up for the minority vote. But who are these minorities, I seriously don't know, every time the BJP dude says 'we are doing the most for the minorities', i get the urge to ask the question "and that would be ?". And if they are the ones deciding the fate of the election, shouldn't they be called the majority?

3. Tujh mein Advani dikhta hai, oh God mein kya karoon?

It's really annoying having to see Mr. Advani's face everywhere I turn, I mean the TV was bad enough, but on every internet page ( I log on to an arsenal fan page only to see Mr. Advani's ad, I wondered if Advani supports Arsenal, then maybe I should turn pro-BJP)`, spamming my phone, thats too much. I swear I will kill the marketing professional who taught political parties 360 degree marketing.

4. A Friend in Need...might want a Cabinet post

It's really annoying to find absolutely no single party capable of running my country (a bit scary also). I used to hate the Congress cause they have the tendency to sleep with anyone to get into  power but then I realised, that when it comes to political prostitution, the BJP are the founding fathers. The only difference between the two, is that if the Congress is like the Red light district hooker, then BJP is the high class escort, they have better clients. But still neither of them gives me any confidence. And every year the parties get more and more splintered, and that leads to more and more whore mongering,which essentially means that all the so called fronts that have come up have basically screwed our democratic system from behind.

5. The IPL go Bye Bye..

I was seriously pissed that the IPL went abroad because of the elections. It would have been so much fun to watch John Buchanan and SRK deal with the Kolkata crowd after having dropped Sourav as captain, but no that didn't happen, and its all because of the elections. Damn You!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.. 

Darwin vs Scott Adams - Who is right about the fate of mankind?

This post is borne out of a discussion between me and my friend,Jotisko, which began with the Roadies. Both of us were in agreement that the Hero Honda Roadies is a testament to that ubiquitous human quality of stupidity -I mean what can be more idiotic than moronic individuals prostrating themselves in front of a self proclaimed cool dude, with no credentials, so that you can give up all that is productive in life to go on a soap operaish road trip, and what the hell do you win in the end - squat, zip, nada, nothing. And it's not just Roadies, the world around us is going stupider by the day. In fact our society is getting so dumb that the Economist one of the world's leading magazines debated on whether modern media is making us dumber? Which means that for once I am not the only ranting raving lunatic who thinks that something is wrong. And so this lead me (Jotisko actually) to the conclusion that Darwin was wrong, the fittest aren't surviving, in fact the intellectually strong are a dying breed, so much so that we were surprised when the United States was actually able to find an intelligent man to become its President (and his predecessor was of course living proof of the emerging power of stupidity), and also indicative of this is the fact that we Indians aren't surprised that English hating technophobic imbeciles like Mulayam Singh are being courted to form governments at the centre. So as far as human intelligence is concerned I have a different theory for how we are evolving. The Scott Adams theory. According to Scott Adams, the three immutable laws of human nature are - Stupidity, selfishness and horniness. My theory is based on this basic premise. Here it goes:

Factor in a bunch of stupid horny people together, you get more stupid horny people. And because they are selfish they tend to surround themselves with more stupid people who will not make them look stupid. Now assuming that the level of horniness in all individuals (stupid or otherwise) is the same then it is not wrong to assume that stupid people will procreate at a faster pace (what with birth control being so hard to understand and all). So you end up with more and more stupid people forming closed stupid people groups alienating the intelligent ones who are losing out in the numbers game. Then what happens is that because the number of stupid people is so large all our media is forced to churn out products which appeal to them (and which are dumb enough for them to be able to comprehend) and of course if you need to make products for dumb people then you need dumb people to understand what they want. So the media ends up being controlled by the stupid. And once the media is in their hands its all downhill. And all the while the intelligent section of the universe is slowly dying out, partially due to lack of companionship and partially due to boredom. So much so that, to quote Jotisko, "the intelligent people on Earth are declining at such a catastrophic rate that soon we will have naked PETA supporters trying to stop us from getting extinct". 

Now if you believe this theory is far fetched and ludicrous, look at how the Bush government came to power and survived. He came to power cause all the stupid people thought that he was the simple understandable dude with whom they could have a drink and that Al Gore was a raving intellectual loser who's incessant talk of the environment was just too boring and uncool (not to mention incomprehensible) to the normal public. Thus the stupid man won because his stupid brethren understood him, and of course to cover up his stupidity he surrounded himself with stupid morons, who supported his stupid decisions and the stupid species triumphed. So much so that his party converted an intelligent war veteran into blithering idiot so that they could follow his legacy and appeal to the stupid people. In fact it took the greatest media campaign and truckloads of money to actually get an intelligent man into the white house, showing that the intelligent species has to fight that much harder (of course few of Obama's initial decisions shows that he might also be switching his loyalties to the stupid species). 

Ou only hope for survival lies in the concept behind the Darwin Awards (The Darwin Awards those people who through their own acts of stupidity remove themselves from the Gene pool- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_awards). So we can only sit back and hope that stupid folks(like dinosaurs) become extinct. Of course this is process will be speeded up if more members of the stupid species continue to oppose technology like stem cell research in the name of God, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or whatever other mumbo-jumbo stupid people believe in.

P.S on a side note - ""For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk " - Stephen Hawking". 

My addition to that - " For several years (after learning to talk) we behaved like sensient, intelligent, civilized beings, then something happened, which stifled our creativity and imprisoned our intelligence, and made mankind once again behave like a herd of animals. We discovered religion".