One Story - 2 Story Tellers

This is my second attempt at story writing. I am going to try something different this time, I am going to write the same story twice, one as a blog writer with a profound love for the melodramatic and the other as an Engineer/MBA, with a tendency to be as brief and to the point as possible.

The Writer’s Version

As he stood there gazing at the abyss, the sharp pain of loss stabbed him in the heart. He just realised that in one instant he had lost her, his one true love and all that was in front of his eyes was the  dark emptiness of a life devoid of all purpose.

It was just this morning that they had been so happy together, locked in each other’s arms blissfully unaware of the world around them, for them the whole world revolved around each other. And then something started happening, he couldn’t explain it but she started becoming silent and unresponsive. He tried to talk to her, but she didn’t say a word. He would try and start a conversation only for her to go silent again. And this continued, until finally she fell asleep, never to awaken again. He tried everything, all that his mortal being allowed him to do, but she simply refused to comply, it was as if the world could not bear to see them happy together. Her heart was beating but there seemed to be no life left in her, she seemed like just another piece of furniture.

For two days he had no clue what to do, he had no one to call out to, he felt like the man who wakes up one morning to find that his whole universe has been destroyed and by some cruel twist of fate he is the sole survivor. For two days he just wandered dazed and confused, without a clue as to what had happened. He wanted to cry and moan her loss, but the tears refused to come,. He would scream but the echoes would only reverberate through his mind. Somewhere he knew that she was still alive, and every second he hoped that now, at least now she would wake up and say ‘April Fools’ and all would be well again. Her lifeless countenance had become the shackles which were now confining him to solitude and loneliness.

And then one morning, he decided that enough was enough. He needed to reclaim his life, and the truth was the way to freedom. He needed to find out what happened. He had to find how and why he had gone from a prince to a pauper in a matter of hours. He decided that he needed to see what was wrong with her, find out if she was alive or dead. So he called up the one man who could provide him with the answers – the Doc. The Doc was the all powerful entity who controlled the fate of all of them, in fact it was the Doc who introduced him to her, and now he would have to bring her back.

After frantically trying to reach the Doc, he was able to get through. The Doc aware of his hold over the hapless young man probed him incessantly, making him wait, not giving any solutions to the problem. He continued to bombard him with question after question, treating him as a suspect rather than a victim. The bereaved lover had to struggle to prove his innocence and show his suffering before the Doc was finally satiated.  And then like Manna which fell from the heaven for the hungry Jews in the desert, the Doc said those magical words which once again brought hope back into his life – “She is not dead”. And then the Doc said that he would send one of his several minions to see if she could be revived.

And so he waited the whole of the next day. He didn’t leave his abode, he skipped his work, and he even forgot to eat. But it was all worth it, because he knew that in a short while he could maybe be with her again, see her smile, hear beautiful voice, hold her, run his fingers over her. He knew that those magical feelings would not be lost forever. Hope was alive. And he waited, and waited, but no one came. It was like a mirage in the desert of despair, which promised to quench his thirst but only succeeded in arousing a desire which would never be fulfilled. And soon his thoughts began to wander. What if the Doc was wrong, what if she was really dead. How would he ever replace her, what if her brain was damaged, even she could recover would she remember him, and would they still share that same strong bond. How long before he could build that relationship again? And while these thoughts were torturing him, there was still no sign of the Doc’s minions.

And as the messenger of hope didn’t come, he grew more and more weary. His hands began to tremble, his mind began to wander, and he was like a nomad who had no purpose. Soon the nervousness began to transform into anger, he was getting agitated, and he needed her badly, like an addict who badly needs a fix after a few days of sobriety. He was overcome with anger and despair, and he was at odds as to what to do with his life. And finally he could not control it anymore, in a fit of anger he once again called the Doc and let loose all the frustration and anger built up inside of him. And after a heated argument the Doc was able to see the pain in this broken hearted young man’s life and decided to put things straight and send the minion again. As fate would have the Doc’s servant fell prey to a vicious accident and our hero’s anguish was prolonged for another tormenting day.

And so one more day went buy and the torture continued, and just as he was about to reach the breaking point, he received a call from the messenger, who had arrived bringing with him possibility of a return to a normal life. The messenger arrived and the moment he saw her, he knew that she was not looking good, but all hope was not lost. He still could save her, so he carefully began examining her. And as her soulmate looked on, he could not bear to see this painful examination of his true love. Every cut that the messenger applied on her to examine her, was tearing a hole in our hero’s soul. And the painful procedure continued for an hour, until the messenger finally declared that he had found the problem, he needed to replace a part of her brain. Stunned beyond belief, the young man could not believe the words, how could this have happened to her, there were no symptoms, no signs nothing. And now all of her sudden this man says that a part of her brain is rotten, it could not be, he must be mistaken; maybe he doesn’t even know what he is doing. But the messenger was insistent and said that he needed to perform the surgery, so despite his inhibitions, he allowed him to do his job. And as he watched the surgery taking place, he again wondered will his true love really return to her old self.

And then suddenly he could see a glimmer of life on her hitherto barren face, and slowly but surely she opened her eyes, and he could see the twinkle in her eyes again. And she looked up at him, and the moment he saw her sweet smile, he knew she was back. It was her, mind and soul, and she was the same woman that he loved and lost. The dark clouds had parted and sunshine was pouring down on him and he once again basked in the glory of this wonderful life which had been returned to him, and he vowed that he would never ever let her go again.

 

 The Engineer/MBA Version

·         God damned laptop crashed. Started hanging repeatedly, then after a while the stupid thing refused to start. Every time I pressed the power button it would show a blank screen

·         Seemed fine in the morning, I was happily playing FIFA in my Consumer Behaviour class, seemed to be working then.

·         The damn thing had to crash on a Saturday, bloody Dell tech Support also doesn’t work on weekends. For two days I had no clue what to do. Totally bored, no FIFA, no movies, nothing. Totally irritated.

·         Finally called Dell Tech support on Monday. The moronic support guy kept asking idiotic questions, like ‘Do you have a screwdriver’. As if I have no better business than carrying screwdrivers around to class. Why the bloody hell did I pay 12k to Dell for tech Support, so that I can tinker with the damn thing myself. The bozo says that engineer will come on the next day before 12 or after 2.

·         Bunked first class in the hope that engineer will come. Looser doesn’t turn up the whole day. I am now getting really annoyed, suffering FIFA withdrawal symptoms. Hands are automatically curling up in ASDW positions.

·         Started worrying whether the hard disk had crashed. What the hell would I do then? All movies gone, all of FIFA gone, all the changes I made in the Arsenal squad gone. It would take me days to recover all of that.

·         Get really pissed the next day and call the Dell guy. Give him a serious tongue lashing. He finally agrees to send an engineer immediately. Stupid engineer, who can’t drive gets into an accident, Dell guy says he can send another engineer only next day.

·         Next day engineer comes, and starts dismantling my laptop immediately without even telling me the problem. I am really worried that he is a rookie who has no clue what to do. He then says motherboard is screwed needs to be replaced. Jaw Drops. But I say, ok replace it. He starts replacing; again I am worried because when he can’t locate the processor on the motherboard. I hope he knows what he’s doing, otherwise I am joining the ‘I hate Dell’ Society.

·         Somehow he finishes it and then starts the laptop. And I finally see the Windows logo and I almost jump up in the air. Computer starts, all data seems to be intact.

·         Laptop working again. Engineer leaves, I start playing FIFA 09’ immediately.

·         End of Story

 

P.S – This story is based on a true incident.

Who needs a Stimulus Package when you have Real Madrid and Idiots?

First of all pardon the repetition in the title, Real Madrid and Idiots are virtually the same.

80 Million is a funny number.

80 Million is the average number of times Cristiano Ronaldo dives in an EPL season

80 Million is the number of times Cristiano Ronaldo said ‘I am happy at Manchester United and I don’t want to leave (he presumably wanted to say ‘I am gay and I want to come’, but it got lost in translation)’

80 Million is the number of times Manchester United fans will call him a diving cheating twat, now that he no longer plays for them.

80 Million is the number of revolutions my stomach made when heard Ronaldo defending his decision to wear tight pink floral pants.

80 Million is also the number which could lift us out of recession – more on that later

80 Million is of course the most brandished number in the media, as it is the amount of money, Real Madrid have paid for securing the services of Cristiano Ronaldo (and some services they must be to be paying 80 million for them)

Incidentally other numbers which will soon also be cropping up shortly in the media are – insane amount of money Ronaldo himself will make, the number of Real Madrid players who will profess their undying love and affection to the great Ronaldo, the number of years it will take Fiorentino Perez to bankrupt Real Madrid.

So on to the deal itself. It’s stupid, it’s crazy and because Real Madrid and Ronaldo are both involved it makes perfect sense. But it goes against every grain of business sense and common intelligence that you would pay 80 million, which is roughly 5 times the entire GDP of the Democratic Republic of Tuvalu, for a footballer unless he happened to be Superman (or in the case of CRON, Wonder Woman), but then football has long lost all respect for economic common sense. But as I write this I realize that is deal could actually be one of those which could be a win-win for all people concerned.

Cristiano Ronaldo:

This would be the ideal deal for the effeminate cry baby from Iberia. Firstly his largely gay fashion sense won’t be out of place in Madrid and he will finally get his dream of being the caped crusader who will rescue Real Madrid from the dark depths of despair and catapult them to glory. That should do his over-inflated ego a world of good. Of course that is provided, Lionel Messi doesn’t give him one more hammering to remember (is it just me or do I seem to be putting in too many unseemly visualizations in this post).

Manchester United:

Of course they have lost an irreplaceable player, of course Fergie’s track record of expensive signings isn’t very good (35 miilion for Berbatov and 28 million for Veron, remember that) and of course people might soon realize that, the likes of Carrick and Anderson were nothing more than over paid show pieces in the Manchester United team, but heck they sure fleeced Real Madrid, and that has got be worth something. Also Ferguson will now have the chance to spread his evil in some other young impressionable youth (I think Karim Benzema seems ripe for the picking). And lastly, Manchester United have finally ensured their diversification into newer businesses, human trafficking to be more precise.

Real Madrid:

So they have spent 150 million, still don’t have a defence or a fit central midfield or a half-decent striker. But what the heck, they got Cristiano Ronaldo, and Fiorentino Perez’s harem, oops I meant football team is finally taking shape. And of course for Madrid, future bankruptcy, potential player discord, fair play, et al, really don’t matter, as long as their Galacticos is being formed (it’s funny how every time they say Galacticos i think of the Galapagos islands and the vision of a bunch of Dodos pops into my head), because ultimately everyone knows, that even if Madrid fail and go broke, the whole of Europe will pay through their noses to keep them alive.

(Interestingly club President, Perez says that the club will reduce debts by ‘increasing bank loans’, now I maybe be a lowly marketing student and I have seen financial whizzes conjure up something from nothing, but this seems too farfetched even for them)

The Whole Mortal World:

Personally it’s a great thing for me, because I no longer have to convince Manchester United fans that Ronaldo is a Grade A jackass, and since there is only one Real Madrid fan in my vicinity, I am absolved of that responsibility for good. It’s great for the economy also, for several reasons. First of all now that Madrid have gone and basically thrown away any and all economic sense into the Mediterranean, the world might be tempted to follow suit, and soon a whole bunch of idiots will be spending much more than they can afford and we shall be on the way to a rollicking economy again. And a lot of that idiotic spending will be on Kaka and Ronaldo jerseys, after all Madrid will have to sell a whole truckload of footballing merchandise to make this deal look financially sound. And that means more work for the sweat shops in Asia, which means an all round economic growth. Of course the country which is still really screwed is the USA, because they still know squat about football. I can already imagine the future 10 years now, when  the next recession takes place we will all be talking about the gay-footballer bubble, which followed the dotcom bubble and the real estate bubble.

Finally, I do really pity the people of Detroit, with a whole bunch of people set to lose their jobs and income it really doesn’t help to see 80 million being spent on a footballer, especially because they probably can’t understand football anyway. I can imagine a whole bunch of Detroit suicide notes ending with the lines – “....those damn liars told me we were in a recession”.

P.S. – A few points I tried really hard to fit into the main post but couldn’t

Conversation between Madrid and Manchester United:

Perez:  We want Ronaldo.

Ferguson: No, he is happy here and doesn’t want to leave.

Perez: I think you misunderstood his comments, the translation from Portuguese was mis-interpreted, check it again

Ferguson: (After checking with his Portuguese translator) Ok fine. But he won’t come cheap.

Perez: We will pay 80 Million

Ferguson: No. We want more

Perez: Ok fine, 80 Million and we bear the cost of the Pink Floral pants.

Ferguson: Done.

Will Ronaldo be given the famed No.7 jersey of Raul and if he isn’t what happens to Ronaldo’s perfume line CR7 ?

Now that Madrid have thrown the debt ridden Manchester United a lifeline and taken on some of their debt, will be soon see a race between the two to see who gets bankrupt first.

Finally, I wanted the title of this blog to be the ‘Cristiano Ronaldo Stimulus package’, but decided against it because that would be one unseemly visulization too much.