Disclaimer: The events in this post are all based on true incidents but might be exaggerated because the author is prone to sudden and uncontrollable bouts of melodrama.
Once upon a time there were 3 boys, Harry, Troubador and Satan, this is a story of what happened when they were sent away from Bangalore to Coorg on a mission to save the universe.
Cough Cough!!!
That was the universe politely telling me to leave it out of the story.
This is the chronicles of the experience of Harry, Troubador and Satan (names changed to protect their identity and because these names are much more cooler) in Coorg, where they were sent to fine tune their (mis)management skills by Doc (an all powerful entity suffering from occasional bouts of seniltiy), using an NGO as a Guinea Pig, after all only if you learn to screw up at the grass root level will you be able to commit the large scale blunders.
The three amigos arrived in Gonikoppal, Coorg, the lovely little two-faced hamlet, a bustling centre of activity which was mysteriously transformed into a dark deserted alley after 8 P.M in the night. So the three amigos were forced to stay at home and then one night as they lay nestled in their beds (with mosquitoes eating away their heads) and they suddenly heard a creature stirring all through the house (and it wasn't a mouse), it was a rat (don't ask me what the difference is).
Now before I describe the amigos tryst with the rat, a little background. This was the first time the Amigos were staying at a rural place (well at least semi-rural) for any length of time. It didn’t particularly bother the Amigos, but their mothers (God bless mothers for they never ending desire to feed their kids) thought that food did not exist on the planet where the Amigos were going, hence they sent along a lifetime supply (at least it was more than enough for 6 weeks) of junk food. Now generally food left uncared for in hostels attracts 'friend' you have never before seen in your life, so being away from the hostel, the Amigos thought their food was safe, but little did they know that another little furry friend had his eye on the food.
So we come to the fateful night when the battle began.
Harry and Troubador lay comfortably snuggled in their beds, using their free time to catch up on crappy movies which they might otherwise not have seen , when they heard an almighty scream, which shattered the peaceful silence of the little 2 room cottage. It was Kisna, the annoying pink haired, silver shirted, caretaker of the motel, who screamed like a girl (and according to Troubador scratched like one too) asking them to turn off the water in the bathroom, because apparently there was a leak somewhere, so Satan, being the least laziest of the three (possibly due to his experiences working in the anti-unemployment committee of a Bee School) went to check on the water, and on his way there he came face to face with that ghastly countenance which would soon become his nemesis. It stood there and just stared at him and the three-quarters of a second that he stared at it almost seemed like eternity, and in that eternity he could see the evil in its eye which made him cringe with fear (either that or he just stepped in his nemesis' excreta). Whatever it was, it was enough to send him to an uncontrollable panic (which could have also been due to the realization that there was no water in the bathroom and he had just had a very heavy dinner). Satan immediately claimed that we were under attack by the forces of evil and that they needed to protect their supplies - before mentioned food. So they decide to erect a tower and by that I mean, they dragged a table from the office and put it in Satan's bedroom and placed the food securely on the tower, in the belief that the enemy couldn't climb a table (that also proved to be a misguided belief which stemmed from the panic and bloated stomachs). So they went to bed secure that their food was safe, but suddenly, in the middle of the night Satan was awoken by a frightful noise, which actually turned out to be Harry's snoring, but as he was about to go to sleep, he saw those evil eyes again, staring at him, to his shock, from the top of the supposedly impregnable tower. As he tried to ward of the evil by shining a powerful light in its direction, the enemy reacted by launching its own counter offensive and leaped at Satan, nearly taking his head off in the process, a attack which Satan barely managed to survive without getting his hands dirty, literally.
So the next day the Three Amigos, got up and assessed the damage, it seems that their food supplies were compromised, but thankfully they still had enough to survive the summer (and possibly autumn, spring and armageddon). So they looked for alternative solutions to protect their precious cargo, and decided that they should just lock it in a cupboard with a door like other normal human beings, a thought which was highly damaging to their Em-Bee-Aa egos which after one year of mismanagement training was used to looking at problems and spending time to come up with the most complicated solution conceivable, by applying atleast a few dozen frameworks which all spoke about the same thing, but they nevertheless pursued the simple solution because the rule of mismanagement says that complex thinking is not required when you are neither getting money or marks for it. So the food was safe and the problem was solved. Or so you would think!
For Satan it had become a personal battle, it usually does after you step in rat crap. So Satan lay awake in the night devising evil schemes to end this war once and for all. And as he tossed and turned, wondering when he would get his shot at vengeance, the opportunity literally dropped itself in his lap; actually it was paint from the ceiling as the rat made its way towards their stronghold, making yet another unsuccessful attempt at reducing their food supplies. But this time Satan was ready, he slowly slid out of his bed, and went and locked the room, no one was going to disturb them, it was between him and the Rat. He blocked all exits from the room and picked up his weapon, an ancient and powerful device, which for decades had dealt with menace like this, the all conquering broom. As he picked up his weapon, he felt like a mighty gladiator (a feeling aided by the fact that the broom looked old enough to belong to ancient Rome) facing off against the vicious lions in the Colosseum. And he moved slowly towards Rat, with determination and murder in his eyes, and he lifted the broom and with all the strength that God had given Satan he struck at the Rat.
Alas, the broom unlike Satan was not up for the fight and collapsed under the pressure, disintegrating into a million pieces. And in an instant, Satan went from being the aggressor to the cornered, and it seemed like it was going to be a fight to the finish. Then in sudden bout of reverence towards each other, the 2 rivals backed off, and decided to end their hostilities for the night. And Satan who was moments away from glory was left picking up the pieces of a broken room (in hindsight Satan it was good thing that he did not emerge victorious that night, after all, it’s better to be cleaning the debris of a broken broom rather than disposing of a dead rat at 3 A.M in the morning).
The next day, Satan exhausted physically and mentally after a tumultuous night, decided to take a break and think about the events which just transpired, and took a trip home (it might also have had something to with his desire for a bathroom with running water and the need to escape the menacing eyes of Kisna). In the mean time Harry took up residence in Satan's room, and when confronted with the problem of the constant gnawing attempts made by the Rat on their fortress, decided that the best way was to ignore its presence, by shoving ear phones in his ear, a task made much easier by his chronic laziness.
And so it continued, for a few days, until the Rat committed its fatal mistake, it messed with the Troubador. The Rat decided to venture out of Satan's room in search for unprotected food, and began to venture into Troubador's room. Annoyed by Rat's constant nocturnal movements, Troubador decided to put an end to this nuisance. He decided that if food was what Rat wanted, food is what he will get!
So on a dark night, Rat ventured once more into the cottage he had learnt to call his home, and found waiting for him, a delicious piece of bread, dipped in cranberry sauce, and POISON. And the unsuspecting rodent devoured this offering, not knowing it was his last. And suddenly as he swallowed the last morsel, he realised what had just happened. he realised the great deception which had just been played out, the trap he willingly walked into. And he began to wonder, just what he had done wrong, was it wrong to want a little house of your own and some food and three amigos for company. He had just paid a price for these basic human desires, and then it struck him, he wasn't human, and so he had been struck down for wanting that which his species did not deserve. And his last thoughts as he saw the bright light approaching, was that it wasn't a bad way to go, a delicious cranberry flavoured treat, at least his last thoughts were those of culinary ecstasy.
The next day Satan returned, the relaxing break had given him new perspective on life, and he was fully prepared to share the cottage with the brave warrior rodent. And as he entered the room to the stench of death and a look of satisfaction on his friends faces, he realised what had just happened. And suddenly the brave exterior crumbled and he broke down at the loss of a truly noble spirit, and when his friends heard of the almighty tussle that had taken place between Satan and Rat, they were overcome with sadness and shame at the their actions.
As they lay the poor rodent down to rest, they shed a solitary tear in the memory of the Rodent who had for a brief period filled their mundane existences with adventure. As this chapter in their lives came to an end, Troubador, penned a verse to remember the furry creature who went from foe to friend in a short span of time.
"I see the stars a lot more clearly.
I have become to you a little more dearer.
I see rats with harps and wings
I see a plate of fried cheese rings.
I drop.
I leave.
I ascend.
I'm gone."
Note: The poem in the end is the creative product of the gentleman referred to in this piece as the Troubador, not yours truly.
‘The War of the Rats’ is name given to the battle between Russia and Germany for Stalingrad during WWII. It is also the title of a novel on the topic which focuses on the personal battle between 2 snipers, which was the inspiration for the movie ‘Enemy at the Gates’.
1 comment:
Best I have seen coming from you.. You rock man!! amazing story...and great story telling...
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